There's a brief inhale and he lets go when Chuuya releases his hand but - he falters. That's a bad sign. That's what makes him feel like they're getting too close, too comfortable again.
So he just gives Chuuya a hesitant glance.]
Alright.
... but you know you can't get used to it, Chuu - me being here - like this.
[He trusts that Chuuya understands what he means.
Staying until morning, sharing a bed, making breakfast - it's all too dangerously close.
But with that Baren will get up, head over to Chuuya's room to collect his clothes, and probably leave out the window just to leave the conversation at that.
As badly as he craves another person's understanding and company, he still doesn't dare to inflict himself on Chuuya yet again.]
[he knows. he knows. it's becoming clearer and clearer to him that the feelings he thought he'd gotten over were in fact just shoved under the rug, and baren's presence has slowly been dragging them back out into the light.
it scares him, honestly. that they're falling back into this so easily, that his own heart's betraying him-- but most of all it scares him that the very thing that makes him want to keep baren close would probably drive him away for good if he knew. now that he has him back, even if only in part...
he's scared of losing it again.
but if you love something, let it go, right?
so he does. he doesn't move again even after he's heard the window close, just dropping his face onto the table with a soft huff and asking an empty apartment-]
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Everyone has been giving him so many outs.
There's a brief inhale and he lets go when Chuuya releases his hand but - he falters. That's a bad sign. That's what makes him feel like they're getting too close, too comfortable again.
So he just gives Chuuya a hesitant glance.]
Alright.
... but you know you can't get used to it, Chuu - me being here - like this.
[He trusts that Chuuya understands what he means.
Staying until morning, sharing a bed, making breakfast - it's all too dangerously close.
But with that Baren will get up, head over to Chuuya's room to collect his clothes, and probably leave out the window just to leave the conversation at that.
As badly as he craves another person's understanding and company, he still doesn't dare to inflict himself on Chuuya yet again.]
no subject
[he knows. he knows. it's becoming clearer and clearer to him that the feelings he thought he'd gotten over were in fact just shoved under the rug, and baren's presence has slowly been dragging them back out into the light.
it scares him, honestly. that they're falling back into this so easily, that his own heart's betraying him-- but most of all it scares him that the very thing that makes him want to keep baren close would probably drive him away for good if he knew. now that he has him back, even if only in part...
he's scared of losing it again.
but if you love something, let it go, right?
so he does. he doesn't move again even after he's heard the window close, just dropping his face onto the table with a soft huff and asking an empty apartment-]
What the fuck are we doing, huh?