[sometimes, chuuya questions his life and choices, and for a split second he thinks this may be one of those moments. how the fuck did he end up in love with someone who'll think things like that and then try to leave?]
Baren.
[he grabs at baren's wrist, taking hold of it; he's not about to let baren run off that easily, not now.]
I don't give a shit what you think I deserve or not, alright? Were you even listening when we had that conversation?
[If you tell me no, it can't be for the same kind of reason. It has to be the truth. I don't want you doing it to push you away, I'm not gonna forgive you if you do.
it's a repeat of what he'd said to baren then, and it still holds true.]
Chuuya grabs his wrist and Baren wonders if it's gravity powers at play that make him feel anchored to the spot - but then there's the flash where he has to give himself a reality check.
I don't want to admit I want to be here.]
I was, stupid but -
[There's a shake of his head and he tries to clear his thoughts, tries to get the words to come out of his mouth and not out of this stupid glitch that Retrospec gave him.]
.... You know -
[He grits his teeth and - he gets what Chuuya wants, he does. To be kept. To belong to someone. To have that direction that he can't get on his own, that's the kind of person that he is. Baren doesn't mind taking ownership of others, of being the brains, that's how it is with a few others but.
This is different because - having partner mean something more...
He breathes out and finally manages, repeating:]
.... you know, if I keep you, you have to keep me too.
[when baren doesn't move to try to leave, chuuya waits. as long as he isn't going anywhere, chuuya doesn't mind being patient just a little bit longer.
...he's still not expecting those words, though, and for a moment he's struck silent, finding it hard to answer when he feels like he's stopped breathing. as much as he wanted to hear them, or something like them, they throw him off for several seconds before he finally manages an incredulous little huff.]
You don't have to say obvious shit, Baren. But-
[he lets go of baren's wrist, then, just long enough to take hold of his hand instead.]
You know I'd keep you as long as you still wanted to be mine.
The thought is at least stopped short when Chuuya takes his hand. Baren tenses, if only because... it's such a sincere, genuine action that he's again left faltering in front of it. Chuuya always treats him this kindly and he doesn't know what to do with it.
Except continue to take.
He squeezes Chuuya's hand once in warning before just pulling, tugging him forward and closer.
It's an impulse. Baren is used to carefully laid plans, long-term intentions, everything that suggests that he should be thinking more carefully -
things like what does he have left to prove, anyway, or 'you literally couldn't get rid of me if you tried.' something more genuine and appropriate, maybe.
but with baren pulling him closer like that, telling him to prove it... well. there's really only one way chuuya knows how to respond to that, in the moment.
chuuya shifts forward, right into his lap, and presses his lips to baren's in an intent, impulsive kiss, one that's sure to leave him breathless much faster than usual but fuck it, fuck moderation, fuck everything that isn't kissing the hell out of him right now.]
he feels the electricity run up his spine as he wraps an arm around Chuuya's waist and pulls him in, close and flush as he meets him for that kiss seeing as he had a feeling that's what was coming. his fingers automatically curl into the back of chuuya's shirt, as if to keep him there even when baren has to pull away, overwhelmed and breathless and yet still thinking too much - ]
Talk - Chuu, we have to - [he's also not helping his own case as he briefly chases after chuuya's mouth with his own for brief, fleeting kisses] - we still have to figure shit out.
[even if this is the answer baren expected. wanted. the option:]
[those brief kisses make it hard to even get that much of an answer out, because chuuya has much less self-control than baren does. surely baren expected no less.]
C'mon, you can't do-- this shit- and ask me to stop and talk, we'll talk after--
that's enough of an answer though. even if he doesn't really mean to, Baren choosing to give Chuuya more kisses for his impatience is probably some kind of reward. he closes the distance between them again, one hand already getting tangled in chuuya's hair as he just barely pulls back enough to speak - ]
Okay, okay.
[of course there's - Needy....]
Think I can do whatever I want with you now, though.
[and he'd be lying if he said admitting that doesn't lift a weight off his shoulders]
once they've had time to catch their breath, chuuya stretches out with a yawn, draping an arm over baren and curling close. apparently he's not ready to leave the bed just yet.]
[There's a moment of apprehension - ah, it still didn't across - and that makes Baren fall silent for a moment as he lets his face fall into Chuuya's hair.
For someone who's used to placing restrictions and expectations on all his relationships, this is harder. It was much easier to fall into a relationship with Chuuya the first time and not question it.]
.... Mm.
[Muffled gently before he shifts so that he can duck his head, murmuring closer to Chuuya's ear. His words are soft, fragile like it's dangerous to say it too loudly.]
I don't know if I can love anyone.
But I don't want to lose my chance to find out - with you.
[yeah, this shit is still bad for chuuya's heart-- but in a good way, he thinks. hearing that still makes him feel light instead of nervous, breathless in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.
his fingers comb through baren's hair as he tilts his head up to kiss him, softer and warmer than usual. just how he's wanted to, but hasn't quite dared to; it would've been too emotional, before.
when he leans back, his fingers trail lightly down baren's cheek.]
[It is a type of kiss that Baren isn't as familiar with - the type of warm, sincere affection that normally leaves him running for the door. Instead he leans into it, lingers until Chuuya pulls away and even after he listens to his words, he leans in again for another.]
... won't.
[A small admittance, short like Baren still can't quite manage putting his own sincerity into words when it leaves him so vulnerable.]
Even if I think you're an idiot for letting me have you again.
[why does chuuya look forward to things like that... but it's ridiculous how they're so willing to share kisses now that they can.
except.
baren recognizes that line. he's read through chuuya's poetry enough times just when he had downtime that he knows most of his work well. sure there's enough love poetry in there that baren came to the understanding that chuuya was a romantic.
Even as Chuuya places his hand over Baren's heart, he's just going to roll them over and seize Chuuya's wrist for himself to pin back against the bed???]
New rule: dating doesn't mean I won't fucking kick your ass.
[chuuya doesn't look too concerned at that. he just hums to himself again, focuses a moment, and-
enjoy floating up, baren. he's maintaining that contact between them as an anchor, keeping baren from just floating to the ceiling with that hand on his wrist, but the rest of him is now hovering a good foot or two over chuuya. below him, chuuya gives him a lazy grin, not even bothering to move.]
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Baren.
[he grabs at baren's wrist, taking hold of it; he's not about to let baren run off that easily, not now.]
I don't give a shit what you think I deserve or not, alright? Were you even listening when we had that conversation?
[If you tell me no, it can't be for the same kind of reason. It has to be the truth. I don't want you doing it to push you away, I'm not gonna forgive you if you do.
it's a repeat of what he'd said to baren then, and it still holds true.]
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Chuuya grabs his wrist and Baren wonders if it's gravity powers at play that make him feel anchored to the spot - but then there's the flash where he has to give himself a reality check.
I don't want to admit I want to be here.]
I was, stupid but -
[There's a shake of his head and he tries to clear his thoughts, tries to get the words to come out of his mouth and not out of this stupid glitch that Retrospec gave him.]
.... You know -
[He grits his teeth and - he gets what Chuuya wants, he does. To be kept. To belong to someone. To have that direction that he can't get on his own, that's the kind of person that he is. Baren doesn't mind taking ownership of others, of being the brains, that's how it is with a few others but.
This is different because - having partner mean something more...
He breathes out and finally manages, repeating:]
.... you know, if I keep you, you have to keep me too.
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...he's still not expecting those words, though, and for a moment he's struck silent, finding it hard to answer when he feels like he's stopped breathing. as much as he wanted to hear them, or something like them, they throw him off for several seconds before he finally manages an incredulous little huff.]
You don't have to say obvious shit, Baren. But-
[he lets go of baren's wrist, then, just long enough to take hold of his hand instead.]
You know I'd keep you as long as you still wanted to be mine.
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The thought is at least stopped short when Chuuya takes his hand. Baren tenses, if only because... it's such a sincere, genuine action that he's again left faltering in front of it. Chuuya always treats him this kindly and he doesn't know what to do with it.
Except continue to take.
He squeezes Chuuya's hand once in warning before just pulling, tugging him forward and closer.
It's an impulse. Baren is used to carefully laid plans, long-term intentions, everything that suggests that he should be thinking more carefully -
But he's chaotic and impulsive at heart.
Which is why it all culminates in the rush - ]
Prove it. Show me - I'll let you.
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things like what does he have left to prove, anyway, or 'you literally couldn't get rid of me if you tried.' something more genuine and appropriate, maybe.
but with baren pulling him closer like that, telling him to prove it... well. there's really only one way chuuya knows how to respond to that, in the moment.
chuuya shifts forward, right into his lap, and presses his lips to baren's in an intent, impulsive kiss, one that's sure to leave him breathless much faster than usual but fuck it, fuck moderation, fuck everything that isn't kissing the hell out of him right now.]
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and for once, Baren wants things to be simple.
he feels the electricity run up his spine as he wraps an arm around Chuuya's waist and pulls him in, close and flush as he meets him for that kiss seeing as he had a feeling that's what was coming. his fingers automatically curl into the back of chuuya's shirt, as if to keep him there even when baren has to pull away, overwhelmed and breathless and yet still thinking too much - ]
Talk - Chuu, we have to - [he's also not helping his own case as he briefly chases after chuuya's mouth with his own for brief, fleeting kisses] - we still have to figure shit out.
[even if this is the answer baren expected. wanted. the option:]
Now or later?
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[those brief kisses make it hard to even get that much of an answer out, because chuuya has much less self-control than baren does. surely baren expected no less.]
C'mon, you can't do-- this shit- and ask me to stop and talk, we'll talk after--
[how is he supposed to let go now?]
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that's enough of an answer though. even if he doesn't really mean to, Baren choosing to give Chuuya more kisses for his impatience is probably some kind of reward. he closes the distance between them again, one hand already getting tangled in chuuya's hair as he just barely pulls back enough to speak - ]
Okay, okay.
[of course there's - Needy....]
Think I can do whatever I want with you now, though.
[and he'd be lying if he said admitting that doesn't lift a weight off his shoulders]
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once they've had time to catch their breath, chuuya stretches out with a yawn, draping an arm over baren and curling close. apparently he's not ready to leave the bed just yet.]
...mm. You wanted to talk or something, right?
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[Baren mumbles that, unimpressed even as he reaches over to wrap his arm around Chuuya's waist and pull him close.]
No, I guess we don't have to if you think we can move on without it.
[I hope he understands sarcasm.]
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[chuuya wrinkles his nose, nudging at baren with his foot. don't be that way, jeez...]
Just say what you wanted to say, alright?
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I have a lot to say...
You - got that something changed, right?
[As if all the declarations of belonging to each other wasn't enough to tip him off, but... it's a sincere question and he looks almost unsure.
Sincerity is hard. He's not sure if his got across.]
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[just in case, just for confirmation. he thinks he knows the situation, but...
he's not going to be sure of that until baren outright says it.]
I'm not expecting you to say you love me or anything, but-- you are mine, right?
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For someone who's used to placing restrictions and expectations on all his relationships, this is harder. It was much easier to fall into a relationship with Chuuya the first time and not question it.]
.... Mm.
[Muffled gently before he shifts so that he can duck his head, murmuring closer to Chuuya's ear. His words are soft, fragile like it's dangerous to say it too loudly.]
I don't know if I can love anyone.
But I don't want to lose my chance to find out - with you.
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his fingers comb through baren's hair as he tilts his head up to kiss him, softer and warmer than usual. just how he's wanted to, but hasn't quite dared to; it would've been too emotional, before.
when he leans back, his fingers trail lightly down baren's cheek.]
...then let's find out, yeah?
Just- don't leave again.
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... won't.
[A small admittance, short like Baren still can't quite manage putting his own sincerity into words when it leaves him so vulnerable.]
Even if I think you're an idiot for letting me have you again.
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[and chuuya snorts out a brief laugh at that, because god, he can just imagine yamato's reaction, for one.
he kind of looks forward to things like that, though. another kiss, and-]
But- [a little hum under his breath, and he continues in japanese.] If you are a mistake, then I want to be wrong until I die.
[it's a line from his own poetry; baren will probably recognize it.]
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except.
baren recognizes that line. he's read through chuuya's poetry enough times just when he had downtime that he knows most of his work well. sure there's enough love poetry in there that baren came to the understanding that chuuya was a romantic.
but.....
somehow it never dawned on him
that - ]
That shit's about me?!
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blinks a couple times
tilts his head, and... bursts into soft, breathless laughter as he tugs baren closer, voice muffled against his chest.]
Oh my fucking god, you're such an idiot-
[an idiot he loves. god. how did it come to this, huh?]
I told you I didn't stop writing shit for you. About you, I guess.
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Don't - fucking...!! Stupid!
[TSUNTSUN INTENSIFIES.
admittedly Baren's yelling, but with Chuuya as close as he is, he can probably feel Baren's fast heartbeat battering against his ribcage]
Moron! I never asked for that...!
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[he's still laughing, though... and setting a hand over baren's heart with a little grin.]
D'you really mind that much?
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Of course I do!!
[LIAR.
Even as Chuuya places his hand over Baren's heart, he's just going to roll them over and seize Chuuya's wrist for himself to pin back against the bed???]
New rule: dating doesn't mean I won't fucking kick your ass.
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[chuuya doesn't look too concerned at that. he just hums to himself again, focuses a moment, and-
enjoy floating up, baren. he's maintaining that contact between them as an anchor, keeping baren from just floating to the ceiling with that hand on his wrist, but the rest of him is now hovering a good foot or two over chuuya. below him, chuuya gives him a lazy grin, not even bothering to move.]
I guess, if you can manage it.
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I take back everything. Die alone.
[I hate that I know I'm lying.]
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[Only if you've gone first.
it's the only way he thinks he wants to end up alone, right now, but- he's still unsure about saying it aloud. feels like it might be a bit too much.
he lets baren down, though, restoring his usual gravity by degrees so he doesn't just fall right down on top of chuuya.]
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