that's enough of an answer though. even if he doesn't really mean to, Baren choosing to give Chuuya more kisses for his impatience is probably some kind of reward. he closes the distance between them again, one hand already getting tangled in chuuya's hair as he just barely pulls back enough to speak - ]
Okay, okay.
[of course there's - Needy....]
Think I can do whatever I want with you now, though.
[and he'd be lying if he said admitting that doesn't lift a weight off his shoulders]
once they've had time to catch their breath, chuuya stretches out with a yawn, draping an arm over baren and curling close. apparently he's not ready to leave the bed just yet.]
[There's a moment of apprehension - ah, it still didn't across - and that makes Baren fall silent for a moment as he lets his face fall into Chuuya's hair.
For someone who's used to placing restrictions and expectations on all his relationships, this is harder. It was much easier to fall into a relationship with Chuuya the first time and not question it.]
.... Mm.
[Muffled gently before he shifts so that he can duck his head, murmuring closer to Chuuya's ear. His words are soft, fragile like it's dangerous to say it too loudly.]
I don't know if I can love anyone.
But I don't want to lose my chance to find out - with you.
[yeah, this shit is still bad for chuuya's heart-- but in a good way, he thinks. hearing that still makes him feel light instead of nervous, breathless in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.
his fingers comb through baren's hair as he tilts his head up to kiss him, softer and warmer than usual. just how he's wanted to, but hasn't quite dared to; it would've been too emotional, before.
when he leans back, his fingers trail lightly down baren's cheek.]
[It is a type of kiss that Baren isn't as familiar with - the type of warm, sincere affection that normally leaves him running for the door. Instead he leans into it, lingers until Chuuya pulls away and even after he listens to his words, he leans in again for another.]
... won't.
[A small admittance, short like Baren still can't quite manage putting his own sincerity into words when it leaves him so vulnerable.]
Even if I think you're an idiot for letting me have you again.
[why does chuuya look forward to things like that... but it's ridiculous how they're so willing to share kisses now that they can.
except.
baren recognizes that line. he's read through chuuya's poetry enough times just when he had downtime that he knows most of his work well. sure there's enough love poetry in there that baren came to the understanding that chuuya was a romantic.
Even as Chuuya places his hand over Baren's heart, he's just going to roll them over and seize Chuuya's wrist for himself to pin back against the bed???]
New rule: dating doesn't mean I won't fucking kick your ass.
[chuuya doesn't look too concerned at that. he just hums to himself again, focuses a moment, and-
enjoy floating up, baren. he's maintaining that contact between them as an anchor, keeping baren from just floating to the ceiling with that hand on his wrist, but the rest of him is now hovering a good foot or two over chuuya. below him, chuuya gives him a lazy grin, not even bothering to move.]
But Baren's eyes flick to the thought - and even though the moment is light-hearted, he pauses. It's heavier, even if it's not expressed out loud. He appears to be thoughtful for a moment and in a beautiful world, the things that go through his mind wouldn't be obviously broadcasted.
[his grin's definitely still there, though it softens a bit at that.]
If I was too much for you then you wouldn't be here, though, would you.
[Maybe you're the only one who can handle me.
because of course his problem with 'nice guys', the ones everyone says would be better for him, are that they're not as fun. not as adventurous, not as willing to just do stupid shit because why the fuck not if it makes you feel alive?
baren's the only one who's ever satisfied everything he wants, much as he's a pain in the ass to go along with it. he's the only one who'll do all that but also take care of him and be domestic when he needs it.]
[There's another small pause at that and Baren moves so he's hovering over Chuuya, as if distance will make holding a real conversation any easier. One hand moved to brush aside Chuuya's hair as Baren hums thoughtfully.
When he speaks, it's quieter again. More uncertain. As if the truth is still something he's getting used to saying.]
... I'm wondering even if you were, I might still be here.
I always kind of figured it'd be the other way around, you know? That you'd be too much for me.
[he leans up for another brief kiss, there. it's not that he doesn't believe all this, it's just-- well. a part of him still thinks he might wake up and he'd better kiss baren just as much as he wants to before that happens.
it's just nice, being able to do it without really thinking about whether it'll be okay.]
... you know me better than anyone else in this city, Baren. If I'm too much for you then nobody else has a chance.
[given everything, chuuya can have all the kisses he wants.
it's almost doting how baren tilts his head to the side so even after he pulls away, he can trace a series of kisses along chuuya's jawline. soft and reassuring where baren doesn't quite have the ability to say what he feels
They won't get the chance anymore.
hopefully even when the thought bubbles are gone, chuuya will remember these moments to translate for baren in the future.]
Nothing wrong with my friends. I just- don't always tell them everything.
[baren, though-- baren gets all the details.
chuuya will definitely remember those thought bubbles, though; how is he ever going to forget things like that? they're all reassurances he needs after a few years of avoiding his feelings to keep from scaring baren off.
something else comes to mind at the thought of friends, though, and chuuya can't help but laugh-]
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that's enough of an answer though. even if he doesn't really mean to, Baren choosing to give Chuuya more kisses for his impatience is probably some kind of reward. he closes the distance between them again, one hand already getting tangled in chuuya's hair as he just barely pulls back enough to speak - ]
Okay, okay.
[of course there's - Needy....]
Think I can do whatever I want with you now, though.
[and he'd be lying if he said admitting that doesn't lift a weight off his shoulders]
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once they've had time to catch their breath, chuuya stretches out with a yawn, draping an arm over baren and curling close. apparently he's not ready to leave the bed just yet.]
...mm. You wanted to talk or something, right?
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[Baren mumbles that, unimpressed even as he reaches over to wrap his arm around Chuuya's waist and pull him close.]
No, I guess we don't have to if you think we can move on without it.
[I hope he understands sarcasm.]
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[chuuya wrinkles his nose, nudging at baren with his foot. don't be that way, jeez...]
Just say what you wanted to say, alright?
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I have a lot to say...
You - got that something changed, right?
[As if all the declarations of belonging to each other wasn't enough to tip him off, but... it's a sincere question and he looks almost unsure.
Sincerity is hard. He's not sure if his got across.]
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[just in case, just for confirmation. he thinks he knows the situation, but...
he's not going to be sure of that until baren outright says it.]
I'm not expecting you to say you love me or anything, but-- you are mine, right?
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For someone who's used to placing restrictions and expectations on all his relationships, this is harder. It was much easier to fall into a relationship with Chuuya the first time and not question it.]
.... Mm.
[Muffled gently before he shifts so that he can duck his head, murmuring closer to Chuuya's ear. His words are soft, fragile like it's dangerous to say it too loudly.]
I don't know if I can love anyone.
But I don't want to lose my chance to find out - with you.
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his fingers comb through baren's hair as he tilts his head up to kiss him, softer and warmer than usual. just how he's wanted to, but hasn't quite dared to; it would've been too emotional, before.
when he leans back, his fingers trail lightly down baren's cheek.]
...then let's find out, yeah?
Just- don't leave again.
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... won't.
[A small admittance, short like Baren still can't quite manage putting his own sincerity into words when it leaves him so vulnerable.]
Even if I think you're an idiot for letting me have you again.
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[and chuuya snorts out a brief laugh at that, because god, he can just imagine yamato's reaction, for one.
he kind of looks forward to things like that, though. another kiss, and-]
But- [a little hum under his breath, and he continues in japanese.] If you are a mistake, then I want to be wrong until I die.
[it's a line from his own poetry; baren will probably recognize it.]
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except.
baren recognizes that line. he's read through chuuya's poetry enough times just when he had downtime that he knows most of his work well. sure there's enough love poetry in there that baren came to the understanding that chuuya was a romantic.
but.....
somehow it never dawned on him
that - ]
That shit's about me?!
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blinks a couple times
tilts his head, and... bursts into soft, breathless laughter as he tugs baren closer, voice muffled against his chest.]
Oh my fucking god, you're such an idiot-
[an idiot he loves. god. how did it come to this, huh?]
I told you I didn't stop writing shit for you. About you, I guess.
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Don't - fucking...!! Stupid!
[TSUNTSUN INTENSIFIES.
admittedly Baren's yelling, but with Chuuya as close as he is, he can probably feel Baren's fast heartbeat battering against his ribcage]
Moron! I never asked for that...!
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[he's still laughing, though... and setting a hand over baren's heart with a little grin.]
D'you really mind that much?
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Of course I do!!
[LIAR.
Even as Chuuya places his hand over Baren's heart, he's just going to roll them over and seize Chuuya's wrist for himself to pin back against the bed???]
New rule: dating doesn't mean I won't fucking kick your ass.
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[chuuya doesn't look too concerned at that. he just hums to himself again, focuses a moment, and-
enjoy floating up, baren. he's maintaining that contact between them as an anchor, keeping baren from just floating to the ceiling with that hand on his wrist, but the rest of him is now hovering a good foot or two over chuuya. below him, chuuya gives him a lazy grin, not even bothering to move.]
I guess, if you can manage it.
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I take back everything. Die alone.
[I hate that I know I'm lying.]
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[Only if you've gone first.
it's the only way he thinks he wants to end up alone, right now, but- he's still unsure about saying it aloud. feels like it might be a bit too much.
he lets baren down, though, restoring his usual gravity by degrees so he doesn't just fall right down on top of chuuya.]
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[Why not just hurt them both!!
But Baren's eyes flick to the thought - and even though the moment is light-hearted, he pauses. It's heavier, even if it's not expressed out loud. He appears to be thoughtful for a moment and in a beautiful world, the things that go through his mind wouldn't be obviously broadcasted.
That's not the world they live in.
... is it really okay for me to have you?]
... anyone ever tell you you're too much, Chuu.
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[his grin's definitely still there, though it softens a bit at that.]
If I was too much for you then you wouldn't be here, though, would you.
[Maybe you're the only one who can handle me.
because of course his problem with 'nice guys', the ones everyone says would be better for him, are that they're not as fun. not as adventurous, not as willing to just do stupid shit because why the fuck not if it makes you feel alive?
baren's the only one who's ever satisfied everything he wants, much as he's a pain in the ass to go along with it. he's the only one who'll do all that but also take care of him and be domestic when he needs it.]
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When he speaks, it's quieter again. More uncertain. As if the truth is still something he's getting used to saying.]
... I'm wondering even if you were, I might still be here.
[which one of them was weak again?]
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[he leans up for another brief kiss, there. it's not that he doesn't believe all this, it's just-- well. a part of him still thinks he might wake up and he'd better kiss baren just as much as he wants to before that happens.
it's just nice, being able to do it without really thinking about whether it'll be okay.]
... you know me better than anyone else in this city, Baren. If I'm too much for you then nobody else has a chance.
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it's almost doting how baren tilts his head to the side so even after he pulls away, he can trace a series of kisses along chuuya's jawline. soft and reassuring where baren doesn't quite have the ability to say what he feels
They won't get the chance anymore.
hopefully even when the thought bubbles are gone, chuuya will remember these moments to translate for baren in the future.]
Maybe you need better friends.
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[baren, though-- baren gets all the details.
chuuya will definitely remember those thought bubbles, though; how is he ever going to forget things like that? they're all reassurances he needs after a few years of avoiding his feelings to keep from scaring baren off.
something else comes to mind at the thought of friends, though, and chuuya can't help but laugh-]
What are your swords gonna think, huh.
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Yacchan is going to be shocked that anyone would want to date me in the first place. He and I agree on some things, after all.
[HE KNOWS YAMS BETTER THAN EXPECTED, HE THINKS]
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