But Baren's eyes flick to the thought - and even though the moment is light-hearted, he pauses. It's heavier, even if it's not expressed out loud. He appears to be thoughtful for a moment and in a beautiful world, the things that go through his mind wouldn't be obviously broadcasted.
[his grin's definitely still there, though it softens a bit at that.]
If I was too much for you then you wouldn't be here, though, would you.
[Maybe you're the only one who can handle me.
because of course his problem with 'nice guys', the ones everyone says would be better for him, are that they're not as fun. not as adventurous, not as willing to just do stupid shit because why the fuck not if it makes you feel alive?
baren's the only one who's ever satisfied everything he wants, much as he's a pain in the ass to go along with it. he's the only one who'll do all that but also take care of him and be domestic when he needs it.]
[There's another small pause at that and Baren moves so he's hovering over Chuuya, as if distance will make holding a real conversation any easier. One hand moved to brush aside Chuuya's hair as Baren hums thoughtfully.
When he speaks, it's quieter again. More uncertain. As if the truth is still something he's getting used to saying.]
... I'm wondering even if you were, I might still be here.
I always kind of figured it'd be the other way around, you know? That you'd be too much for me.
[he leans up for another brief kiss, there. it's not that he doesn't believe all this, it's just-- well. a part of him still thinks he might wake up and he'd better kiss baren just as much as he wants to before that happens.
it's just nice, being able to do it without really thinking about whether it'll be okay.]
... you know me better than anyone else in this city, Baren. If I'm too much for you then nobody else has a chance.
[given everything, chuuya can have all the kisses he wants.
it's almost doting how baren tilts his head to the side so even after he pulls away, he can trace a series of kisses along chuuya's jawline. soft and reassuring where baren doesn't quite have the ability to say what he feels
They won't get the chance anymore.
hopefully even when the thought bubbles are gone, chuuya will remember these moments to translate for baren in the future.]
Nothing wrong with my friends. I just- don't always tell them everything.
[baren, though-- baren gets all the details.
chuuya will definitely remember those thought bubbles, though; how is he ever going to forget things like that? they're all reassurances he needs after a few years of avoiding his feelings to keep from scaring baren off.
something else comes to mind at the thought of friends, though, and chuuya can't help but laugh-]
I can already just see him going 'whyyy though'...
[chuuya hums under his breath, considering something else for a moment.]
Kiyomitsu said he'd read over some of my poetry for me, d'you think he'll change his mind if he figures out some of it might be about you? Does that make it weird?
But given that Chuuya has now named both of his swords - specifically as his swords - there's some part of Baren that twists uncomfortably. Not out of secrets, but more out of...
Irritation?
He hooks a finger around the collar and gives it a pull again, even as his gaze narrows.]
Mm?
And just when did you start making all these connections, pet?
[Why is he talking about Baren? How does he know Yacchan is Yamato in the first place? How did he find out that they're swords?
It's not necessarily a problem, but he can't help but find it a little unexpected - and he doesn't really like surprises.]
[chuuya blinks up at him there, a little thrown off. yamato offered it up so easily, he didn't really think it was a big deal for him to know...
he huffs, giving his head a slight shake.]
I don't know, like, the other week? Yamato knows Anya, we started talking after the fight last month, then I ended up getting a text accidentally sent to him. He gave me advice about some shit, mentioned you'd said it in the first place, and then he mentioned being your sword. Both of them being your swords. I already knew Yamato was a sword and that those two were dating, I just didn't know that was what you meant about him being yours 'til recently.
[a brief little pause, and-]
Just seemed like the sort of thing that was between you, so- I didn't bring it up.
What the fuck did I say that he'd bother remembering....
[what is Yamato and Baren's relationship in the first place.....
but regardless, he seems appeased by that. there's another tug on the collar just to bring chuuya's head up enough to give him kiss, soft and sweet, before baren lets go again]
.... hmph, it's about time that they figured it out though.
[Guess they wouldn't bother mentioning that to me... aka guess who didn't know they were dating officially until just now.
but then Baren shakes his head, leaving a second kiss on Chuuya's cheek]
... yeah. S'between us. Me and them. But you can know about it now, if you want.
[Little offers of information, if only because he knows that Chuuya won't run off with them anymore.]
[They're kind of dense and impossible... but they also have one of those relationships where Baren thinks they've been married since the start.]
It's sort of like being with your soulmate since the very beginning of everything - if it's something you already know so well, it probably doesn't register as an actual important change.
[if he's being honest.... and admitting that maybe soulmates is a thing he might buy into]
Surprised that Yacchan can give any advice, though... What, you asked him about kendo?
[a little grin comes with that-- that's cute, baren-- but... chuuya shifts a little uncomfortably at that last question.
he promised not to lie though, so-]
We were talking about relationship shit, and- he said someone told him that relationships closer to you are hard to see clearly. I asked him who said that and he told me it was you.
And he remembers context, sure, but he also remembers telling Chuuya -
.... well, relationships like that are supposed to be hard to break, right? Or something.
Funny - I don't think he even knew that I was thinking about you.
It's what gets Baren to pause. He claims a kiss to fill up some of the space before he speaks.]
... I still don't know if I believe in love.
[Even if you're getting me to consider it. Even though I don't think that sort of thing is meant for someone like me.
Because love is something that's not guaranteed, anymore. Nothing's guaranteed, as far as Baren's concerned. Not the love of your family, so why would it make any sense for someone not related to you by blood to love you? To love him, especially?
But he shakes his head because he doesn't want to dwell, but still wants to explain.]
... but I believe in time. And persistence. And - if things go right for once - that some people belong together.
[And can be happy together.
Is it okay if I want to belong with you, if you won't get tired of me?]
[he reads those thoughts, but before he says anything-- chuuya pulls baren in for another warm kiss, not pulling too far back when he finally breaks it off. he just lets their foreheads rest together, fingers carding through baren's hair.]
...I want to make things go right for you, alright? I- shit, I already know you make me happy, I just... want to make sure you're happy too.
[If I'm not tired of you now, I never will be, idiot.
another brief kiss, and he finishes:]
I'll tell you I love you every day if I have to. And you know I promised not to lie.
[every time he says it, it'll still be the truth.]
Baren doesn't believe in things that are meant to be a given, but - he leans into those kisses automatically, ends up relaxing more and more into them because he thinks he can get used to the way that emotion tastes on Chuuya's lips.
Up until Chuuya says five words together - I love you every day - and he does a full body flinch. He doesn't recoil. His fingers in Chuuya's hair tighten for a moment and there's a sharp intake of breath. His mouth turns down into a scowl and his brow furrows at first, like he doesn't know what to do with the feeling of having someone else's hand have a vice grip on his heart.
So he just lets his head fall down to Chuuya's shoulder, obscuring his expression. Close at they are again, there goes Baren's hummingbird heartbeat.]
.... 'm happy.
[It's another murmur, even as he presses his lips against a mark that he'd left on Chuuya's neck earlier.
I can't - fuck. I don't have the words. I can't string it together. How stupid. God dammit. I don't have the right words for him. How the hell do I...]
Baren isn't used to receiving reassurances or appearing his vulnerable, even if there's enough sincerity coming from Chuuya that he can't quite suppress a shudder. It irritates him as much as it touches him and he tilts his head if only so that he can press another kiss to Chuuya's skin, right at the base of his neck, before biting and sucking another mark there.
He's probably a mess of them but Baren somehow still isn't satisfied.
He pulls away just so that he can press their lips together properly, some stirrings of heat - but mostly just overwhelmed emotion.]
[can't believe this is the second time i've had to type 'and then they banged' but this is our lives now dana.
anyway. and then they banged. they probably also went to the store because chuuya's bachelor lifestyle means he's definitely missing key ingredients, and chuuya definitely spent the whole time attached to baren's hip.
normally he's content to wait on the couch while baren cooks, but this time he doesn't want to be too far from him; chuuya's perched on the kitchen counter, watching him lay out ingredients and get everything ready.]
I'm gonna have to start actually trying to keep the fridge stocked now, huh...
As if that isn't even more than Baren offered when they were dating the first time? But honestly yes, he's fucking starving particularly after fucking. He wanders through the kitchen to grab the pans and things he needs, too familiar with where they are already, and moving to start cooking dinner for two.
Even though every time he passed by Chuuya he did pause to give him a brief kiss.
Automatically, like reassuring him that he's not going anywhere.
[that comes with a little shrug, because honestly, if baren's making it then chuuya is here for it. he'll demand his favorites sometimes, sure, but for the most part he's fine with letting baren decide.
he's just as fine with those kisses, and he's just going to lean in to steal another one there since baren is close enough.
and because i forgot in the last tag he definitely tried to steal baren's shirt when they got dressed, so he may or may not be wearing that.]
regardless baren's fine with all of that, though he does nip at chuuya's lips in that last kiss to discourage him briefly - knowing it doesn't stand a chance of working - so that he can focus on actually putting these ingredients together without burning anything. or. himself. too soon???
though he'll muse - ]
Do you even have any space left in your closet?
[Not that I'm moving in - but it'd be easier if I had space to leave shit here.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I take back everything. Die alone.
[I hate that I know I'm lying.]
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[Only if you've gone first.
it's the only way he thinks he wants to end up alone, right now, but- he's still unsure about saying it aloud. feels like it might be a bit too much.
he lets baren down, though, restoring his usual gravity by degrees so he doesn't just fall right down on top of chuuya.]
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[Why not just hurt them both!!
But Baren's eyes flick to the thought - and even though the moment is light-hearted, he pauses. It's heavier, even if it's not expressed out loud. He appears to be thoughtful for a moment and in a beautiful world, the things that go through his mind wouldn't be obviously broadcasted.
That's not the world they live in.
... is it really okay for me to have you?]
... anyone ever tell you you're too much, Chuu.
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[his grin's definitely still there, though it softens a bit at that.]
If I was too much for you then you wouldn't be here, though, would you.
[Maybe you're the only one who can handle me.
because of course his problem with 'nice guys', the ones everyone says would be better for him, are that they're not as fun. not as adventurous, not as willing to just do stupid shit because why the fuck not if it makes you feel alive?
baren's the only one who's ever satisfied everything he wants, much as he's a pain in the ass to go along with it. he's the only one who'll do all that but also take care of him and be domestic when he needs it.]
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When he speaks, it's quieter again. More uncertain. As if the truth is still something he's getting used to saying.]
... I'm wondering even if you were, I might still be here.
[which one of them was weak again?]
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[he leans up for another brief kiss, there. it's not that he doesn't believe all this, it's just-- well. a part of him still thinks he might wake up and he'd better kiss baren just as much as he wants to before that happens.
it's just nice, being able to do it without really thinking about whether it'll be okay.]
... you know me better than anyone else in this city, Baren. If I'm too much for you then nobody else has a chance.
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it's almost doting how baren tilts his head to the side so even after he pulls away, he can trace a series of kisses along chuuya's jawline. soft and reassuring where baren doesn't quite have the ability to say what he feels
They won't get the chance anymore.
hopefully even when the thought bubbles are gone, chuuya will remember these moments to translate for baren in the future.]
Maybe you need better friends.
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[baren, though-- baren gets all the details.
chuuya will definitely remember those thought bubbles, though; how is he ever going to forget things like that? they're all reassurances he needs after a few years of avoiding his feelings to keep from scaring baren off.
something else comes to mind at the thought of friends, though, and chuuya can't help but laugh-]
What are your swords gonna think, huh.
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Yacchan is going to be shocked that anyone would want to date me in the first place. He and I agree on some things, after all.
[HE KNOWS YAMS BETTER THAN EXPECTED, HE THINKS]
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[chuuya hums under his breath, considering something else for a moment.]
Kiyomitsu said he'd read over some of my poetry for me, d'you think he'll change his mind if he figures out some of it might be about you? Does that make it weird?
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But given that Chuuya has now named both of his swords - specifically as his swords - there's some part of Baren that twists uncomfortably. Not out of secrets, but more out of...
Irritation?
He hooks a finger around the collar and gives it a pull again, even as his gaze narrows.]
Mm?
And just when did you start making all these connections, pet?
[Why is he talking about Baren? How does he know Yacchan is Yamato in the first place? How did he find out that they're swords?
It's not necessarily a problem, but he can't help but find it a little unexpected - and he doesn't really like surprises.]
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[chuuya blinks up at him there, a little thrown off. yamato offered it up so easily, he didn't really think it was a big deal for him to know...
he huffs, giving his head a slight shake.]
I don't know, like, the other week? Yamato knows Anya, we started talking after the fight last month, then I ended up getting a text accidentally sent to him. He gave me advice about some shit, mentioned you'd said it in the first place, and then he mentioned being your sword. Both of them being your swords. I already knew Yamato was a sword and that those two were dating, I just didn't know that was what you meant about him being yours 'til recently.
[a brief little pause, and-]
Just seemed like the sort of thing that was between you, so- I didn't bring it up.
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What the fuck did I say that he'd bother remembering....
[what is Yamato and Baren's relationship in the first place.....
but regardless, he seems appeased by that. there's another tug on the collar just to bring chuuya's head up enough to give him kiss, soft and sweet, before baren lets go again]
.... hmph, it's about time that they figured it out though.
[Guess they wouldn't bother mentioning that to me... aka guess who didn't know they were dating officially until just now.
but then Baren shakes his head, leaving a second kiss on Chuuya's cheek]
... yeah. S'between us. Me and them. But you can know about it now, if you want.
[Little offers of information, if only because he knows that Chuuya won't run off with them anymore.]
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[and okay maybe there's a little satisfaction there at actually knowing something baren didn't, but.]
-thanks, though. I'm not gonna bring it up to anyone else, promise.
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[They're kind of dense and impossible... but they also have one of those relationships where Baren thinks they've been married since the start.]
It's sort of like being with your soulmate since the very beginning of everything - if it's something you already know so well, it probably doesn't register as an actual important change.
[if he's being honest.... and admitting that maybe soulmates is a thing he might buy into]
Surprised that Yacchan can give any advice, though... What, you asked him about kendo?
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[a little grin comes with that-- that's cute, baren-- but... chuuya shifts a little uncomfortably at that last question.
he promised not to lie though, so-]
We were talking about relationship shit, and- he said someone told him that relationships closer to you are hard to see clearly. I asked him who said that and he told me it was you.
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And he remembers context, sure, but he also remembers telling Chuuya -
.... well, relationships like that are supposed to be hard to break, right? Or something.
Funny - I don't think he even knew that I was thinking about you.
It's what gets Baren to pause. He claims a kiss to fill up some of the space before he speaks.]
... I still don't know if I believe in love.
[Even if you're getting me to consider it. Even though I don't think that sort of thing is meant for someone like me.
Because love is something that's not guaranteed, anymore. Nothing's guaranteed, as far as Baren's concerned. Not the love of your family, so why would it make any sense for someone not related to you by blood to love you? To love him, especially?
But he shakes his head because he doesn't want to dwell, but still wants to explain.]
... but I believe in time. And persistence. And - if things go right for once - that some people belong together.
[And can be happy together.
Is it okay if I want to belong with you, if you won't get tired of me?]
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...I want to make things go right for you, alright? I- shit, I already know you make me happy, I just... want to make sure you're happy too.
[If I'm not tired of you now, I never will be, idiot.
another brief kiss, and he finishes:]
I'll tell you I love you every day if I have to. And you know I promised not to lie.
[every time he says it, it'll still be the truth.]
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Baren doesn't believe in things that are meant to be a given, but - he leans into those kisses automatically, ends up relaxing more and more into them because he thinks he can get used to the way that emotion tastes on Chuuya's lips.
Up until Chuuya says five words together - I love you every day - and he does a full body flinch. He doesn't recoil. His fingers in Chuuya's hair tighten for a moment and there's a sharp intake of breath. His mouth turns down into a scowl and his brow furrows at first, like he doesn't know what to do with the feeling of having someone else's hand have a vice grip on his heart.
So he just lets his head fall down to Chuuya's shoulder, obscuring his expression. Close at they are again, there goes Baren's hummingbird heartbeat.]
.... 'm happy.
[It's another murmur, even as he presses his lips against a mark that he'd left on Chuuya's neck earlier.
I can't - fuck. I don't have the words. I can't string it together. How stupid. God dammit. I don't have the right words for him. How the hell do I...]
... I'm going to keep you.
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[chuuya pulls him close, rests his head on baren's and presses a kiss against the top of it. that's all baren has to say, really.]
I don't need any other promises, okay? Just- keep me, and be mine. You don't have to have words for it as long as you're here.
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Baren isn't used to receiving reassurances or appearing his vulnerable, even if there's enough sincerity coming from Chuuya that he can't quite suppress a shudder. It irritates him as much as it touches him and he tilts his head if only so that he can press another kiss to Chuuya's skin, right at the base of his neck, before biting and sucking another mark there.
He's probably a mess of them but Baren somehow still isn't satisfied.
He pulls away just so that he can press their lips together properly, some stirrings of heat - but mostly just overwhelmed emotion.]
One more.
[Another promise, lost in the kisses - ]
I'll - try.
[For you, I'll try.]
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anyway. and then they banged. they probably also went to the store because chuuya's bachelor lifestyle means he's definitely missing key ingredients, and chuuya definitely spent the whole time attached to baren's hip.
normally he's content to wait on the couch while baren cooks, but this time he doesn't want to be too far from him; chuuya's perched on the kitchen counter, watching him lay out ingredients and get everything ready.]
I'm gonna have to start actually trying to keep the fridge stocked now, huh...
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[Casually....
As if that isn't even more than Baren offered when they were dating the first time? But honestly yes, he's fucking starving particularly after fucking. He wanders through the kitchen to grab the pans and things he needs, too familiar with where they are already, and moving to start cooking dinner for two.
Even though every time he passed by Chuuya he did pause to give him a brief kiss.
Automatically, like reassuring him that he's not going anywhere.
Also domestic as fuck.]
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[that comes with a little shrug, because honestly, if baren's making it then chuuya is here for it. he'll demand his favorites sometimes, sure, but for the most part he's fine with letting baren decide.
he's just as fine with those kisses, and he's just going to lean in to steal another one there since baren is close enough.
and because i forgot in the last tag he definitely tried to steal baren's shirt when they got dressed, so he may or may not be wearing that.]
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regardless baren's fine with all of that, though he does nip at chuuya's lips in that last kiss to discourage him briefly - knowing it doesn't stand a chance of working - so that he can focus on actually putting these ingredients together without burning anything. or. himself. too soon???
though he'll muse - ]
Do you even have any space left in your closet?
[Not that I'm moving in - but it'd be easier if I had space to leave shit here.]
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