but he's already here and... it's now and never. if baren won't budge, fine. sena will have done everything he can, despite the growing hollow pit in his stomach. he manages a steady tone as he starts: ]
I'd talked to Chuuya-san about everything. Stuff I wasn't clear about the last time I saw you.
[ can he even fit everything in less than seven seconds? let's find out. ]
The reason why I didn't want you to leave was... You were like a goal to me, a hurdle I'd wanted to achieve. You're always ahead of me in every aspect, everyone likes you despite being an ass [ wait shit he shouldn't said that WELP TOO LATE ], and it all felt unfair to me. So...
I just wanted to show you that I can be just as good as you - no, even better than that. You were only the biggest competitor in the modeling world and it's not as if I'm going to quit just because you're not there anymore, but... The agency's boring without you now.
I'm not saying that you should go back since it's obvious that you've made up your mind. And fine, I'm not going to pry since you're more high-maintenance than a maximum security prison. I'm just... wished that I could've worded all that better last time. I was too focused on seeing you as my rival that I'd forgotten that you have feelings too, that you were also going through some tough shit like all of us.
... I'm sorry, Baren.
[ a pause. that's way more than seven seconds, don't you think? ]
I understand if you still don't want to see me again even after this either, that words as flimsy as this isn't enough to warrant for a better apology.I kick it. But I don't want to stress myself out with some unresolved grudge any longer. I'm tired, you're tired - we all are, at some degree. And in the end, it's really all my fault in the end, so.
I'd say that I'll see you around, but... you know.
Bye.
[ and he's going to hang up unless there's an off chance that baren stops him or whatever. sena thinks it's very unlikely though, so he's already accepted it. this really is fine. ]
[Baren nearly hangs up at the mention of Chuuya. He doesn't care whatever Sena thinks he learned from Chuuya -
But he said seven seconds, so he'll listen.
... and he thinks it's stupid, for the most part. The idea of "everyone likes you" is probably colored by some sort of self-deprecating or aggressive lens that Sena uses to view the world, because that's certainly not true. Biggest competitor, boring... and he's really tempted to hang up.
The actual apology keeps him from it.
Just barely.
He lets Sena hang up first.
Then after some rumination, some bargaining with his own pride, he sends a text:]
you know even your apologies are self-important and self-pitying
if you put more effort into actually improving your shitty personality instead of coming with reasons that you're a victim of your own actions you could actually get somewhere
just a thought don't call me senpai and delete my number
[ - but he hasn't blocked sena's number.
so.
apology begrudgingly accepted, even if it doesn't sound like it.]
do you really think i can just change overnight?? i get it, i get it jeez im not rly interested in keeping your number either so don't worry your pretty head about it, ren-kun
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
resist urge
to hang up and leave it at that forever
but he's already here and... it's now and never. if baren won't budge, fine. sena will have done everything he can, despite the growing hollow pit in his stomach. he manages a steady tone as he starts: ]
I'd talked to Chuuya-san about everything. Stuff I wasn't clear about the last time I saw you.
[ can he even fit everything in less than seven seconds? let's find out. ]
The reason why I didn't want you to leave was... You were like a goal to me, a hurdle I'd wanted to achieve. You're always ahead of me in every aspect, everyone likes you despite being an ass [ wait shit he shouldn't said that WELP TOO LATE ], and it all felt unfair to me. So...
I just wanted to show you that I can be just as good as you - no, even better than that. You were only the biggest competitor in the modeling world and it's not as if I'm going to quit just because you're not there anymore, but... The agency's boring without you now.
I'm not saying that you should go back since it's obvious that you've made up your mind. And fine, I'm not going to pry since you're more high-maintenance than a maximum security prison. I'm just... wished that I could've worded all that better last time. I was too focused on seeing you as my rival that I'd forgotten that you have feelings too, that you were also going through some tough shit like all of us.
... I'm sorry, Baren.
[ a pause. that's way more than seven seconds, don't you think? ]
I understand if you still don't want to see me again even after this either, that words as flimsy as this isn't enough to warrant for a better apology.I kick it. But I don't want to stress myself out with some unresolved grudge any longer. I'm tired, you're tired - we all are, at some degree. And in the end, it's really all my fault in the end, so.
I'd say that I'll see you around, but... you know.
Bye.
[ and he's going to hang up unless there's an off chance that baren stops him or whatever. sena thinks it's very unlikely though, so he's already accepted it. this really is fine. ]
no subject
But he said seven seconds, so he'll listen.
... and he thinks it's stupid, for the most part. The idea of "everyone likes you" is probably colored by some sort of self-deprecating or aggressive lens that Sena uses to view the world, because that's certainly not true. Biggest competitor, boring... and he's really tempted to hang up.
The actual apology keeps him from it.
Just barely.
He lets Sena hang up first.
Then after some rumination, some bargaining with his own pride, he sends a text:]
you know
even your apologies are self-important
and self-pitying
if you put more effort into actually improving your shitty personality
instead of coming with reasons that you're a victim of your own actions
you could actually get somewhere
just a thought
don't call me senpai
and delete my number
[ - but he hasn't blocked sena's number.
so.
apology begrudgingly accepted, even if it doesn't sound like it.]
no subject
i get it, i get it
jeez
im not rly interested in keeping your number either so don't worry your pretty head about it, ren-kun
no subject
1. if something is important to you
of course you can change overnight
jackass
2. call me baren
or you won't have a pretty head
[no. 2 is more important]
no subject
so ren-kun it is
consider it as payback for naming me after a vegetable
no subject
i just want your stupid expectations to drop
god
nuance means nothing to you does it
no subject
expect nothing else from you
got it
im glad we had this talk
[ he didn't mean that last line to sound so flippantly in text bc he's actually really relieved but
yeah
let's just go back to their old dynamic, please? ]