ic inbox.

[crudest]

Baren Kaiyou

i think the fuck not my guy 💩

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[crudest]

[ . . . . he thinks about it.]

At all the wrong moments?

[stopbleeding]

[he stops short. this will definitely be the only way baren will watch tom hanks without protest but also...]

... Not if Tom Hanks is speaking.

[crudest]

Is that most of the movie.

[stopbleeding]

I plead the sixth.

[he means the fifth.]

[crudest]

What's the sixth amendment?

[ baren's inner mind theater:


]

[stopbleeding]

I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.

[no.]

[crudest]

That sounds like what someone who doesn't know what the sixth amendment would say.

[stopbleeding]

You say it then.

[crudest]

[Completely straight faced:]

The sixth amendment is the right to use horses - chocobos now, I guess [goTTA STAY CONSISTENTLY INACCURATE] - and chickens as a form of currency should the monetary system fail.

[stopbleeding]

Bullshit.

[crudest]

You don't know that for sure.

[stopbleeding]

I'll look it up.

[no he won't]

[crudest]

Sounds fake.

[are they watching Big yet]

Make an explosion noise.

[stopbleeding]

[sure bc i don't want to thread him getting it that's boring.]

It's the FBI warning.

[crudest]

Did I stutter?

[stopbleeding]

[zoro makes an explosion sound]

[crudest]

[baren laughs

fucking delighted

he's 5 years old]

[stopbleeding]

[yeah, he is. sucks that zoro likes it. can't help but crack a smile when he hears the laugh. it's enough that he turns away to hide it, scratching the side of his face, trying to affix a typical scowl instead.]

Satisfied?

[crudest]

[god this is gay

yet Baren perks up when he notices Zoro turning away, laughing some more as he follows after with the movement to bump and then lean against Zoro's shoulder - ]

Again, again!

[he's so annoyingly persistent]

[stopbleeding]

[it's the paramount studios logo or something.]

Alright, alright!

[zoro shoves his shoulder back.

and makes another explosion noise.]

[crudest]

[and baren cracks up. again. because he's still 5 years old and his sense of humor sucks.

he picks up montgomery rupaul beluga the whale and pushes him against zoro]

Monty gives it a seven out of ten.

[stopbleeding]

[zoro had his mouth open which means he now has his mouth filled with monty fuzz. he's doing his best to push the whale back from him while maybe shoving at baren's chest with his foot.]

Monty's still a bad name!

[crudest]

[baren has two hands??? one will keep shoving monty into zoro's face while the other is trying to push at his foot because that's fucking gross]

Don't be a shitty whale dad!!

[stopbleeding]

[this is a weird position. zoro's getting shoved up against the arm of the couch.]

SINCE WHEN WAS I IT'S FATHER?!

[crudest]

[they've been in weirder.]

You bought him!!