[Another nod; this, too, is perfectly understandable behavior when it comes to Kashuu.
But they were partners--they had to have been, if he'd spent so long waiting for Kashuu to come home, oblivious to the fact that he never would. Okita Souji is as much his master as Kashuu's; the right to share is equal between them. And Soujirou has been more-or-less open about his health here in Recolle for a long time--it's difficult to hide oxygen tanks, after all.
Still, he doesn't think Baren knows Soujirou personally. Probably, he should start there.]
Soujirou Katsuki. That's his name, here. I've known him almost as long as Kiyomitsu... we all went to the dojo together. But he... [A pause; Soujirou had taken great pains to keep the details to himself.] ...his health is really bad, so he had to leave.
[Another pause, longer this time. He drops his gaze down to his lap, fingers curling in his large sleeves.]
Okita Souji-- died of tuberculosis. When he was 26. [That's history, facts, something anyone could find if they looked. But--]
[ - ah. He remembers Yamato telling him about the group of them that went to the dojo. His important memories there. How funny, that his former master was right there with him all along. Baren waits through the explanation and purses his lips quietly at Yamato's final admission.
He was there.
It's a different kind of pain.
Between Kashuu who left everyone behind too soon, and Yamato who was left behind by everyone else until the very end.]
[He's put it off for far too long as it is, even though August was such a strong reminder of how much he hates it when they're separated. He can't imagine Kashuu will be surprised, though. He's probably been counting down to this too.]
He probably figured it out, though. He was with me in October, when I... saw it. In the fog. [That, of course, had been a twisted version of the truth, but it hadn't struck all that far off the mark. And honestly, given his natural dislike of cats, he can't help but wonder which one held the most truth.]
[There's one thing that Baren has learned from both Chuuya and Kashuu: the physical part of affection, of understanding, is always easier to him than the verbal. So he watches Yamato for another moment before closing just some of the distance between the two of them on the couch, just enough that he's in arms reach.
Baren reaches out a hand - ungloved, he's at home, showing all the scars of his mistakes from when he kept things to himself - and pats the top of Yamato's head.
His expression softens.]
... I can't pretend to understand, Yacchan.
[He'll be honest. He still doesn't think he's meant for this.]
And I bet that neither of them wanted to leave you - [he remembers his other mother laying in a hospital bed, hand clutched by her two sobbing twins] - but that doesn't change how you feel when you're left alone, huh...?
[With a few notable exceptions, Yasusada's normally the type to respond to the physicality of others around him. Baren's reached out to him like this before, so it isn't a complete shock, but for a minute, he simply stays still, leaning neither into nor away from the touch.
He doesn't respond immediately, the words hanging between them; but then he sighs, shoulders drooping just slightly.]
It doesn't really matter if they meant to or not, does it? If they're gone, they're gone. They can't tell you they won't be back, and even they could, when there's nothing you can do to stop it...
[Swords can't cut illnesses. He knows that, has always known that, but that doesn't change the fact that he'd had to watch, utterly powerless, as those he'd cherished most vanished from his side.]
...I wish it had been me.
[It's not that he wants to die--far from it. If he had his way, he'd be able to live forever alongside his most precious people. But given the choice between falling in battle, protecting the master he'd loved so dearly, or dealing with the fate he'd actually ended up with... it's a simple choice, as far as he's concerned.]
[Because it's easier to die knowing that you've accomplished your purpose, it's easier to go first than to wait and wait and wait for people who aren't going to come home. He keeps his hand in Yamato's hair, running through it in slow, gentle motions.]
I hear you, Yacchan. [Even if he doesn't understand. Even if he's not someone who can give him the answers he wants. He's not Kashuu. He's not Okita Souji. He never will be.] It's okay to be upset.
It's hard - to be left alone without the people you love, when you have no say in what happens to them.
[ - it's life. Cruel and unforgiving.
Baren can only acknowledge that truth in this moment.]
["I know", he says, and that's what gets Yasusada to lift his head and look at him, eyes wide. They're growing to understand each other bit by bit, but Yasusada still isn't used to the idea of Baren agreeing with him.
But then, maybe it shouldn't be surprising. He remembers how Baren had spoken about his sister, after all.
"If they'd taken her, I would've found her."
He stands by what he'd said, even now. Devoting so much of yourself to someone is a dangerous way to live. But he knows it because he's exactly the same. And he's not exactly the best at taking his own advice.]
...I tried to save them. [He doesn't hesitate, exactly, but his tone is quiet, and there's something fragile in his expression as he speaks again.] A long time later, after we were with our new master. We had to go back to the night Kiyomitsu--
[He'd just said it a moment ago, but now the word catches in his throat; it's too much, when the image of Kashuu's broken blade flashes through his mind. He pauses, breathing deeply.]
--I ran into Okita-kun on accident, and when he spoke to me, I abandoned the mission to follow him.
[Baren knows what Yasusada means without him finishing - he gives a short nod to indicate this understanding, so Yasusada doesn't feel the need to continue.
. . . but Baren hears the abandoning of the mission and he pauses. He understands. He gets it. The need to completely run blindly for the person who matters so much to you.]
What did— .... hah, nevermind.
[He shakes his head.]
... It doesn't even matter what he said, does it?
[Wouldn't Yasusada have followed him no matter what?]
[Does it matter? If Okita had said something else, what would he have done? It's difficult to think about. He hasn't let himself delve too deeply into his memories of Okita himself; as much as he's accepted being a sword, something about that feels like crossing a line, like taking one step too far away from his humanity. (Or what's left of it.)
His eyes stray to his vessel, and he stares at it for a little while, silent. Finally, he answers Baren's first question.]
...he said, "That sword looks like a splendid piece of work. If you aren't going to use that sword now, just when do you plan on using it?"
[It hadn't been a scolding, or an order. But it didn't need to be. Baren is right; from the moment Okita called out to him, he'd been lost.]
[ . . . . and at that, Baren can't help it. He laughs a little bit - sincerely entertained, not mocking. He whistles afterward, low and with the tone of being impressed (regardless of whether or not that's what he actually feels).]
Woooow. What a cool guy.
Does that mean he was just complimenting his own taste in swords....?
[The glare Yasusada shoots in his direction is less than instinct but more than reflex. It's an automatic response to perceived disrespect, no matter how insignificant-- to the idea of anyone not appreciating Okita with all their worth.
He catches himself immediately and blinks, looking briefly confused. But then, is it really that surprising of a reaction? True, it's unnervingly intense for a connection from another life, but Yasusada's always been a little too intense about everything anyway.
Still, though he speaks up to defend Okita, he doesn't snap or grumble in a way that would've matched such an expression. He's not the best at controlling his emotions, but he is capable of it on occasion.]
He's one of the best swordsmen in the history of Japan, he can compliment whatever he wants. [He fiddles with his haori sleeve, sighing quietly.] But no, he didn't recognize it. And that's not what he was trying to say, anyway. He thought I was a new recruit. So he must've thought I was hesitating because I was afraid.
[It's an interesting reaction - and it's one that Baren notes, files away for later. The glare is something that doesn't bother him, given how used to it he is when people think poorly of him. The confusion that Yamato feels afterward is more interesting and Baren watches, trying to pick it apart. It's probably a feeling from the memory - a feeling like how he feels toward Sakichi - that doesn't entirely belong to the Yamato of this time.
But as he gets memories of the Yamato of the past, the feelings come with it. It doesn't overwrite the current personality, but it can't be ignored so easily.]
So a good leader. A good man.
[ - in a certain definition of "good", but Baren won't mince those details at the moment.]
Ah... it'd be hard to turn away from something like that.
[That comes without hesitation or reluctance of any kind. He may still be figuring out his feelings when it comes to his own relationship with Okita, but Okita's strength and leadership are well-documented--it would be remiss of him not to acknowledge that.
Besides, Yasusada is loyal. Aside from his tendency to dwell on memories, that's his strongest core trait. He's loyal to a fault, and with no present to potentially destroy the rose-colored glasses he uses to view the past, how could he be anything but devoted to a man he only remembers as a god?
He's quiet for a minute, watching the memory play out in his mind. His next breath is a shaky inhale, and he glances towards his vessel, like he wants to get up and grab it, to hold it for comfort. He stays where he is, though.]
I still tried not to kill anybody... I wasn't-- I wasn't trying to change history. [He looks back at Baren, and there's the faintest hint of distress in his voice; for whatever reason, he needs Baren to understand that he hadn't intentionally tried to betray his new master.] But when he collapsed and I tried to protect him, he... he said, "don't make excuses for not doing what you must."
I think... he thought I was abandoning the mission to protect him instead. And I was, but-- not the way he thought.
[That's the most reasonable conclusion he's managed to come to, though he's tossed those words around in his head many, many nights since he'd first heard them. Okita must've assumed he was trying to avoid joining the fight properly--that he was using Okita's health as an excuse to keep from fighting. Over and over, he's wondered what he could've said, what he could've done to change things--and disregarded those thoughts just as quickly. They're dangerous, after all.]
[Baren's understanding of Kashuu and Yamato's purpose is still hilariously foggy at best - but luckily he's a quick study. They're swords given human form after all, and the sword that Kashuu currently holds isn't broken. Therefore it must've been reforged, or something along similar lines. So he listens, putting all the pieces together. They're swords given a mission, and then they can be sent back in time. They aren't allowed to change history.
He understands that clearly when Yasusada looks into his eyes.
Baren remains calm, refrains from judging. He doesn't offer consolations, but he doesn't show any sign of disappointment either. Instead he listens to the story and while Yasusada doesn't reach for his sword, Baren does. He goes to retrieve it, holding it carefully and respectfully in his hands, closing the distance between Yasusada and his vessel.
He sits back down and holds the swords between the two of them. Yasusada can take it from him if he wants - but if he's not ready, Baren will still hold it.]
Still - he managed to tell you what you needed to hear, huh... [Baren can't help the smile that pulls at the edge of his lips.] It's funny, isn't it? I don't believe much in destiny... I don't like it.
But sometimes the world really works mysteriously, doesn't it, Yacchan?
[Even after all this time, it still feels strange, sensing someone's touch through something entirely separate from his body. He doesn't flinch or jump, but he watches Baren with guarded eyes, unsure how to respond. He understands Baren, to an extent, but he doesn't really know him well enough to gauge the intent behind his actions; even when his vessel rests equally between them, it takes a minute for him to react.
Slowly, he lowers hands to rest on the blade, but he doesn't try to pull it away. He just sits, picking apart the differences in their touch. Baren's comment does draw his attention, though, and he blinks, brow furrowing.]
Really? Even after all of this? ["This" being their memories, the relics they've regained... everything, really, that they've gone through this past year.]
Destiny means that things can't be changed. That there's a way that things are supposed to be... and maybe to some people that's comforting, and they want to rely on that.
[But the unsaid rings between them: "But I can't believe in that."]
Everything that they say about souls... I think that a core of a person doesn't change, that's probably true. That their heart is probably meant to be the same.
But they're different because of who they meet. The you here isn't the same as the you in your memories, because you have different masters. The same goes for Kiyo. The same goes for me - and having swords to take in at all.
Who can say if it's better or worse.... I don't think it has to be better or worse. It's just... different.
[Yasusada's quiet for a little while, chewing on that thought. Baren does have a point--and he's expressed similar things to other people before, too. The past is the past, and no matter how attached he personally feels, his friends are under no obligation to feel the same. They can push you towards being who you were but they can't change who you already are, he'd told Chuuya, during their very first conversation. He still believes that to be true.
But even so--]
You told me you thought some people were meant to be together.
For some... it's with luck - but then, I guess, luck might be the closest thing that we have to fate. Luck, followed by hard work and time.
[It's brief - but he glances toward the bedroom door where his partner's still sleeping.
Then he meets Yamato's eyes again and tilts his head.]
Others - I think souls can be tied together. You and Kiyo are always the first ones I think of, weirdly enough? The fact that you're still together in this life, that you knew each other even before the app went live and brought you both in.... That probably means something.
I'm waiting for my sister, but the fact that we're still twins here - that we're still related - I think that means something.
[he's too codependent, too attached to believe otherwise]
[Yasusada would be lying if he claimed to fully understand. He's never put much stock in the idea of "luck"--how could he, when he's so ready to believe in fate? When, after finally conceding their visions to truly be memories, he'd so easily accepted what he was? What he is?
Still... he didn't come here to debate. And while he won't admit it, he appreciates Baren taking the time to explain his thoughts. He doesn't think he'll ever say they're friends, but this sort of relationship... isn't bad.]
...anyway, Kiyomitsu stopped me before it went too far. [His lips quirk up in a little half-smile at that, though it's undeniably sad. He'd wanted so badly to save Kashuu, but he can't even feign surprise that Kashuu was the one to save him.] I made him cry.
Baren watches Yasusada, tilts his head faintly at the sad smile, if only because he decides in that moment that he doesn't like that. The relationship between master and sword is an odd one but - he knows innately, immediately, that he doesn't want to see that expression on his sword's face.]
... he cares about you. It's only natural to cry when you're faced with the chance of losing someone you care about, right?
[It's a rhetorical question. They both know perfectly well that that's just not the sort of person Kashuu is--that he'd never want to be seen doing something so unsightly. The only time Baren's likely to have seen Kashuu cry is when he'd regained his death memories, and even Yasusada can count the times he's witnessed it on one hand.
Yasusada, on the other hand, has about the same level of emotional competence as he did when he was five. Oblivious to Baren's feelings and all but incapable of hiding his own, he just looks down at his hands, fiddling idly with his fingers.]
Even when we talked about Okita-kun... I don't think he cried. I don't remember much, but I think he just didn't like to talk about him at all.
[ - that was indeed the only time that Baren's ever seen Kashuu cry.
He still doesn't take it back.]
.... his old master? [ - who let him break?] Something tells me that that's a bit more complicated than his feelings towards you, Yacchan.
[If Baren had to take a guess.
It's based off his own experience - he loves his mother, even if he knows that it's more complicated than that. There were feelings that she inspired that were a lot less positive, that left more scars than hope. It's infinitely more complicated than how he feels toward Okuni, who only gets his unabashed love.
[The thing is, it's not like Yasusada doesn't understand at all. Theoretically, he can understand what Baren's trying to say. With his human upbringing, he has a much better grasp of the complexity of relationships than he ever did in his last lifetime--but even then, it's not enough.
Yasusada is a simple person. He experiences his emotions as they come, and rarely does he try to fight them back or cover them up. He's open and honest, and those who earn his love and devotion tend to keep a permanent place in his rose-tinted memories. Even when it comes to things like betrayal or abandonment, no matter how shallow his experiences seem now, his feelings had been fairly straightforward. Regret, or resentment--and he'd never been quiet about either.
So in theory, he understands. But he doesn't truly get it; he never really has, no matter how hard he's tried. Baren isn't Kashuu, but they seem to have an understanding when it comes to these things, so... there's really only one thing he can say to that.]
[ . . . . and Baren can only softly admit:] You have to talk to Kiyo about it.
[Because it's not his place.
He knows that.
To try to speak for him, when even Yamato can't understand... maybe it's something that Baren can, but if it's not something that they've talked about, then he wonders if it's something that he should say. If these are words that are meant to be spoken into reality, or if they should wait.
If nothing else, maybe he can improvise.]
... Association just might be a very strong thing.
[It's a perfectly fair answer, but it makes Yasusada sigh quietly anyway. He lets his head drop back against the couch, staring at the ceiling as he tries to gather his thoughts. Talking to Kashuu about his feelings towards their friend and former master would involve Kashuu openly acknowledging what he is, in a way he's pointedly tried not to do since the beginning. When they do talk, it's going to be a very long conversation... if Kashuu doesn't brush him off and bolt, anyway.]
...they talked to each other without telling me, for a while.
[When he finally speaks again, there's no pain or accusation in his voice, just a hint of soft nostalgia.]
Maybe they kept in touch while Kiyomitsu was gone, I don't know. But I know he came over to our apartment a few times. Soujirou-kun... I didn't even know he was still in the city until last year. Kiyomitsu never did mention it, even after I told him we'd met again.
[Even he's not sure why he's telling Baren all of this. Maybe just to put it out into the open--saying it to either Kashuu or Soujirou themselves would feel too much like an accusation, when it's not. Maybe it's an unspoken question--"what does it mean?"--though Baren certainly wouldn't have an answer to that. Yasusada might acknowledge that Baren knows a lot about a lot of things, but he's certainly not omnipotent. And Yasusada doesn't expect him to be.]
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But they were partners--they had to have been, if he'd spent so long waiting for Kashuu to come home, oblivious to the fact that he never would. Okita Souji is as much his master as Kashuu's; the right to share is equal between them. And Soujirou has been more-or-less open about his health here in Recolle for a long time--it's difficult to hide oxygen tanks, after all.
Still, he doesn't think Baren knows Soujirou personally. Probably, he should start there.]
Soujirou Katsuki. That's his name, here. I've known him almost as long as Kiyomitsu... we all went to the dojo together. But he... [A pause; Soujirou had taken great pains to keep the details to himself.] ...his health is really bad, so he had to leave.
[Another pause, longer this time. He drops his gaze down to his lap, fingers curling in his large sleeves.]
Okita Souji-- died of tuberculosis. When he was 26. [That's history, facts, something anyone could find if they looked. But--]
...I was there.
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He was there.
It's a different kind of pain.
Between Kashuu who left everyone behind too soon, and Yamato who was left behind by everyone else until the very end.]
... Yacchan.
You already talked to Kiyo about this?
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[He's put it off for far too long as it is, even though August was such a strong reminder of how much he hates it when they're separated. He can't imagine Kashuu will be surprised, though. He's probably been counting down to this too.]
He probably figured it out, though. He was with me in October, when I... saw it. In the fog. [That, of course, had been a twisted version of the truth, but it hadn't struck all that far off the mark. And honestly, given his natural dislike of cats, he can't help but wonder which one held the most truth.]
...I'm pretty sure Kiyomitsu died first.
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Baren reaches out a hand - ungloved, he's at home, showing all the scars of his mistakes from when he kept things to himself - and pats the top of Yamato's head.
His expression softens.]
... I can't pretend to understand, Yacchan.
[He'll be honest. He still doesn't think he's meant for this.]
And I bet that neither of them wanted to leave you - [he remembers his other mother laying in a hospital bed, hand clutched by her two sobbing twins] - but that doesn't change how you feel when you're left alone, huh...?
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He doesn't respond immediately, the words hanging between them; but then he sighs, shoulders drooping just slightly.]
It doesn't really matter if they meant to or not, does it? If they're gone, they're gone. They can't tell you they won't be back, and even they could, when there's nothing you can do to stop it...
[Swords can't cut illnesses. He knows that, has always known that, but that doesn't change the fact that he'd had to watch, utterly powerless, as those he'd cherished most vanished from his side.]
...I wish it had been me.
[It's not that he wants to die--far from it. If he had his way, he'd be able to live forever alongside his most precious people. But given the choice between falling in battle, protecting the master he'd loved so dearly, or dealing with the fate he'd actually ended up with... it's a simple choice, as far as he's concerned.]
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[Because it's easier to die knowing that you've accomplished your purpose, it's easier to go first than to wait and wait and wait for people who aren't going to come home. He keeps his hand in Yamato's hair, running through it in slow, gentle motions.]
I hear you, Yacchan. [Even if he doesn't understand. Even if he's not someone who can give him the answers he wants. He's not Kashuu. He's not Okita Souji. He never will be.] It's okay to be upset.
It's hard - to be left alone without the people you love, when you have no say in what happens to them.
[ - it's life. Cruel and unforgiving.
Baren can only acknowledge that truth in this moment.]
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But then, maybe it shouldn't be surprising. He remembers how Baren had spoken about his sister, after all.
"If they'd taken her, I would've found her."
He stands by what he'd said, even now. Devoting so much of yourself to someone is a dangerous way to live. But he knows it because he's exactly the same. And he's not exactly the best at taking his own advice.]
...I tried to save them. [He doesn't hesitate, exactly, but his tone is quiet, and there's something fragile in his expression as he speaks again.] A long time later, after we were with our new master. We had to go back to the night Kiyomitsu--
[He'd just said it a moment ago, but now the word catches in his throat; it's too much, when the image of Kashuu's broken blade flashes through his mind. He pauses, breathing deeply.]
--I ran into Okita-kun on accident, and when he spoke to me, I abandoned the mission to follow him.
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. . . but Baren hears the abandoning of the mission and he pauses. He understands. He gets it. The need to completely run blindly for the person who matters so much to you.]
What did— .... hah, nevermind.
[He shakes his head.]
... It doesn't even matter what he said, does it?
[Wouldn't Yasusada have followed him no matter what?]
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His eyes stray to his vessel, and he stares at it for a little while, silent. Finally, he answers Baren's first question.]
...he said, "That sword looks like a splendid piece of work. If you aren't going to use that sword now, just when do you plan on using it?"
[It hadn't been a scolding, or an order. But it didn't need to be. Baren is right; from the moment Okita called out to him, he'd been lost.]
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Woooow. What a cool guy.
Does that mean he was just complimenting his own taste in swords....?
[look he's just amused]
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He catches himself immediately and blinks, looking briefly confused. But then, is it really that surprising of a reaction? True, it's unnervingly intense for a connection from another life, but Yasusada's always been a little too intense about everything anyway.
Still, though he speaks up to defend Okita, he doesn't snap or grumble in a way that would've matched such an expression. He's not the best at controlling his emotions, but he is capable of it on occasion.]
He's one of the best swordsmen in the history of Japan, he can compliment whatever he wants. [He fiddles with his haori sleeve, sighing quietly.] But no, he didn't recognize it. And that's not what he was trying to say, anyway. He thought I was a new recruit. So he must've thought I was hesitating because I was afraid.
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But as he gets memories of the Yamato of the past, the feelings come with it. It doesn't overwrite the current personality, but it can't be ignored so easily.]
So a good leader. A good man.
[ - in a certain definition of "good", but Baren won't mince those details at the moment.]
Ah... it'd be hard to turn away from something like that.
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[That comes without hesitation or reluctance of any kind. He may still be figuring out his feelings when it comes to his own relationship with Okita, but Okita's strength and leadership are well-documented--it would be remiss of him not to acknowledge that.
Besides, Yasusada is loyal. Aside from his tendency to dwell on memories, that's his strongest core trait. He's loyal to a fault, and with no present to potentially destroy the rose-colored glasses he uses to view the past, how could he be anything but devoted to a man he only remembers as a god?
He's quiet for a minute, watching the memory play out in his mind. His next breath is a shaky inhale, and he glances towards his vessel, like he wants to get up and grab it, to hold it for comfort. He stays where he is, though.]
I still tried not to kill anybody... I wasn't-- I wasn't trying to change history. [He looks back at Baren, and there's the faintest hint of distress in his voice; for whatever reason, he needs Baren to understand that he hadn't intentionally tried to betray his new master.] But when he collapsed and I tried to protect him, he... he said, "don't make excuses for not doing what you must."
I think... he thought I was abandoning the mission to protect him instead. And I was, but-- not the way he thought.
[That's the most reasonable conclusion he's managed to come to, though he's tossed those words around in his head many, many nights since he'd first heard them. Okita must've assumed he was trying to avoid joining the fight properly--that he was using Okita's health as an excuse to keep from fighting. Over and over, he's wondered what he could've said, what he could've done to change things--and disregarded those thoughts just as quickly. They're dangerous, after all.]
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He understands that clearly when Yasusada looks into his eyes.
Baren remains calm, refrains from judging. He doesn't offer consolations, but he doesn't show any sign of disappointment either. Instead he listens to the story and while Yasusada doesn't reach for his sword, Baren does. He goes to retrieve it, holding it carefully and respectfully in his hands, closing the distance between Yasusada and his vessel.
He sits back down and holds the swords between the two of them. Yasusada can take it from him if he wants - but if he's not ready, Baren will still hold it.]
Still - he managed to tell you what you needed to hear, huh... [Baren can't help the smile that pulls at the edge of his lips.] It's funny, isn't it? I don't believe much in destiny... I don't like it.
But sometimes the world really works mysteriously, doesn't it, Yacchan?
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Slowly, he lowers hands to rest on the blade, but he doesn't try to pull it away. He just sits, picking apart the differences in their touch. Baren's comment does draw his attention, though, and he blinks, brow furrowing.]
Really? Even after all of this? ["This" being their memories, the relics they've regained... everything, really, that they've gone through this past year.]
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[But the unsaid rings between them: "But I can't believe in that."]
Everything that they say about souls... I think that a core of a person doesn't change, that's probably true. That their heart is probably meant to be the same.
But they're different because of who they meet. The you here isn't the same as the you in your memories, because you have different masters. The same goes for Kiyo. The same goes for me - and having swords to take in at all.
Who can say if it's better or worse.... I don't think it has to be better or worse. It's just... different.
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But even so--]
You told me you thought some people were meant to be together.
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[It's brief - but he glances toward the bedroom door where his partner's still sleeping.
Then he meets Yamato's eyes again and tilts his head.]
Others - I think souls can be tied together. You and Kiyo are always the first ones I think of, weirdly enough? The fact that you're still together in this life, that you knew each other even before the app went live and brought you both in.... That probably means something.
I'm waiting for my sister, but the fact that we're still twins here - that we're still related - I think that means something.
[he's too codependent, too attached to believe otherwise]
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Still... he didn't come here to debate. And while he won't admit it, he appreciates Baren taking the time to explain his thoughts. He doesn't think he'll ever say they're friends, but this sort of relationship... isn't bad.]
...anyway, Kiyomitsu stopped me before it went too far. [His lips quirk up in a little half-smile at that, though it's undeniably sad. He'd wanted so badly to save Kashuu, but he can't even feign surprise that Kashuu was the one to save him.] I made him cry.
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When your better half comes to save you -
That sounds familiar.
Baren watches Yasusada, tilts his head faintly at the sad smile, if only because he decides in that moment that he doesn't like that. The relationship between master and sword is an odd one but - he knows innately, immediately, that he doesn't want to see that expression on his sword's face.]
... he cares about you. It's only natural to cry when you're faced with the chance of losing someone you care about, right?
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[It's a rhetorical question. They both know perfectly well that that's just not the sort of person Kashuu is--that he'd never want to be seen doing something so unsightly. The only time Baren's likely to have seen Kashuu cry is when he'd regained his death memories, and even Yasusada can count the times he's witnessed it on one hand.
Yasusada, on the other hand, has about the same level of emotional competence as he did when he was five. Oblivious to Baren's feelings and all but incapable of hiding his own, he just looks down at his hands, fiddling idly with his fingers.]
Even when we talked about Okita-kun... I don't think he cried. I don't remember much, but I think he just didn't like to talk about him at all.
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He still doesn't take it back.]
.... his old master? [ - who let him break?] Something tells me that that's a bit more complicated than his feelings towards you, Yacchan.
[If Baren had to take a guess.
It's based off his own experience - he loves his mother, even if he knows that it's more complicated than that. There were feelings that she inspired that were a lot less positive, that left more scars than hope. It's infinitely more complicated than how he feels toward Okuni, who only gets his unabashed love.
Maybe it's something like that.]
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Yasusada is a simple person. He experiences his emotions as they come, and rarely does he try to fight them back or cover them up. He's open and honest, and those who earn his love and devotion tend to keep a permanent place in his rose-tinted memories. Even when it comes to things like betrayal or abandonment, no matter how shallow his experiences seem now, his feelings had been fairly straightforward. Regret, or resentment--and he'd never been quiet about either.
So in theory, he understands. But he doesn't truly get it; he never really has, no matter how hard he's tried. Baren isn't Kashuu, but they seem to have an understanding when it comes to these things, so... there's really only one thing he can say to that.]
Why?
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[Because it's not his place.
He knows that.
To try to speak for him, when even Yamato can't understand... maybe it's something that Baren can, but if it's not something that they've talked about, then he wonders if it's something that he should say. If these are words that are meant to be spoken into reality, or if they should wait.
If nothing else, maybe he can improvise.]
... Association just might be a very strong thing.
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...they talked to each other without telling me, for a while.
[When he finally speaks again, there's no pain or accusation in his voice, just a hint of soft nostalgia.]
Maybe they kept in touch while Kiyomitsu was gone, I don't know. But I know he came over to our apartment a few times. Soujirou-kun... I didn't even know he was still in the city until last year. Kiyomitsu never did mention it, even after I told him we'd met again.
[Even he's not sure why he's telling Baren all of this. Maybe just to put it out into the open--saying it to either Kashuu or Soujirou themselves would feel too much like an accusation, when it's not. Maybe it's an unspoken question--"what does it mean?"--though Baren certainly wouldn't have an answer to that. Yasusada might acknowledge that Baren knows a lot about a lot of things, but he's certainly not omnipotent. And Yasusada doesn't expect him to be.]
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