info.

[crudest]

HOME BASICS HEADCANON AU HISTORY

where should we run to? important disclaimer. anything baren lies about is marked with a * elaboration is in the Basics section full name. Baren Kaiyou* age & birthday. 21 years old | February 2nd* height & weight. 5'10" | 150 lbs occupation. model & college student* hair & eye color. black & black as of 6/25, he wears an eyepatch over his left eye languages. english, japanese, french*, reads latin* hobbies. ➛ pulling pranks ➛ taking care of animals ➛ painting & graffiti ➛ following politics & reading* played by. Dana (evergrace) code. edited from proverbially

HOME BASICS HEADCANON AU HISTORY

we got the world in our hands, why does baren. good question. so. baren is prone to lying and keeping himself on the downlow, which means that a lot of the most basic information about him is mired in misinformation that he spreads himself or keeps secret. this is due to the fact that he's got a shitty backstory to match his canon one, but essentially still leaves him as a walking, talking enigma. now what does the average person actually know about baren? well— fess up, asshole. » Baren will introduce himself just by his first name if he can get away with it. » He's recognizable as a model since he's pretty enough to land fashion magazine deals and have his face on billboards and posters. » Even though he doesn't use social media, he's got a pretty decent fan following even though he doesn't like to interact with them. » Yeah, any social media account with Baren's face on it is either run by some hired intern he doesn't know or is fan made. » That said, he can't dodge fashion magazines and interviews. They'd have access to his full name, age, and birthday. » But if anyone asks for his birthday on a regular occasion, he tells them it's April 1st. The truth is just on his Driver's License if anyone gets curious enough. » He doesn't give his phone number out to anyone. Strangers/people he doesn't explicitly care to contact can probably only contact him through DMs on Retrospec or playing a game of telephone with either his friends or his manager. » He's been in Recollé only for the past 3 years - so 2014, on the off-chance that I play him for longer than a year?! » Supposedly he attends classes at Recollé University, but no one knows what his major is or if he's actually enrolled in a class because he ditches until test day. He will talk his way out of group projects whenever possible. » He's also incredibly popular in the college party scene - or maybe infamous is a better word. » His moniker that he welcomed is Party Satan, invite him to any party and he'll wreak absolute havoc. Some of his triumphs include: - creating a water slide out a second storey window - duct taping a star quarterback to the ceiling - convincing a party that breaking into the zoo was a good idea - filling an entire frat house with bubbles from the dish washer and washing machine combined - organizing a wrestling tournament in a kiddie pool filled with jello shots - literally anything insane and he probably decided it was a good idea » in truth, everything works out better for him if everyone just assumes he's a dumb, chaotic punk. he'd like to keep it that way.

HOME BASICS HEADCANON AU HISTORY

and we're ready to play. ❝ the everyday ❞ » Doesn't use any type of social media at all. He borrows his friends' phones and posts shitty status updates for them. » If he gets his hands on your phone, even if you're a stranger, he will try to set new high scores on every app you have (and he'll probably manage it). » When he works as a model, he's on slightly better behavior and doesn't pull any pranks. He'll shamelessly explain that if he's difficult on the job, he won't get hired for work. Capitalism. » Swings wildly between being up until 5 AM causing chaos or being asleep and tucked in by 9 PM. If he doesn't answer his phone at 10 PM, he's probably asleep because he'll get up at 6 AM to make prepare food for him and his sister. » Comes up with a different origin story every time people ask about him "i'm a military brat just got back from hawaii" or "my father was a poor apple farmer" or the plot of the Princess Diaries? » Never lets himself get too drunk at parties because he's scared of what he might say. Paranoia keeps him sober. 5 or 6 shots will get him tipsy and that's as far as he ever lets it get. » If you have long hair, he has tried to braid it just to keep his hands busy. » All the contacts on his phone only have emojis in the namefield so you never know who he's talking to. » No one knows where his apartment is because he's obscenely paranoid, if he has even the slightest sense of being followed, he won't go home that night. » Goes on ghost hunts, not because he believes in ghosts, but he wouldn't mind being surprised. » If there isn't a new tabloid article about him, whether it's about his crazy parties, how much he spends money, who he might be """dating""", then it's definitely a slowass month. » Has a penchant for doodling on whatever he can get his hands on. His art has two categories: a ) poop emojis and rude comics or b ) carefully crafted miniature portraits rife with symbolism and commentary. Will sometimes tag up buildings with inside jokes, or he'll put something legitimately beautiful on it. » Honestly has gotten very good at parkour over the years given how often he has to book it to save his chaotic ass. » It's unfortunate that Baren is kind of good at everything, but will easily lie and pretend he's bad at something if he doesn't want to be cooperative. ❝ the harder to reach ❞ » The easiest way to get him to calm down is with a hot shower - he considers it a luxury taken for granted. Warm baths and hot springs give him the same feeling. » He's saving up his money to try to buy a house so that he and his sister can live comfortably in recolle, maybe try to live honestly and give in to his own wishes for simplicity. » Visited all 7 continents in the past 3 years alone and is recently very well-traveled but rarely tells the truth about it. His closer cr has likely been subject to these impromptu week-long trips, whether it's because Baren just disappears on them or invites them to come with him (if his sister isn't coming). » His energy becomes like an excited child whenever he encounters something he's never seen before, he loves learning about the world. » Has a long list of skills, including: playing the piano (with relative pitch but not perfect pitch), singing, archery, fencing, kendo, and horseback riding, and he's studied multiple subjects extensively. » Even though he has a variety of skills, he keeps those under wraps and will lie about everything - he won't even admit to being able to play the piano. » He thinks that those hobbies are Pretentious and might give away his high-class education. » If he were to get drunk, he would be a giggly happy drunk until he had one too many and then he'd be a sad, philosophical drunk. » Biggest pet peeve is when places are messy. He's actually a giant neat freak and if you leave him alone, he'll immediately start to pick up clutter. » Definitely an atheist. » Accidentally always cooks for two at least, doesn't even know what a serving for one looks like. This is because he's so used to feeding himself and his sister. » Hate hate hates having his hair loose, only lets it down to wash it. » He and his sister live in an penthouse apartment, but absolutely no one knows that because he never brings anyone back or mentions it. » Despite the fact that Baren talks about his sister often, je mentions her by name or gives actual descriptors aside from the fact that they're twins bc he'd rather not have anyone actually meet her. » Since his sister isn't on Retrospec, he's secretly falling to pieces in his own loneliness and inability to trust anyone.

HOME BASICS HEADCANON AU HISTORY

wanna live fast, never look back. ❝ before recolle ❞ content warning: alcoholism, child neglect » The Kumou family is an influential family in Japan with a long-standing history and high social status. That said, the current head of the branch family is definitely a dickbag. That's Baren's father. » Baren's mother was a rising young actress who ended up becoming the mistress to the head of the branch family - when she became pregnant, he discarded her from his life and made sure to cover up the scandal. » Spiteful enough to get her revenge, Baren's mother raised the twins with the hopes of them reintegrating into Japanese high society to get close enough to their father again and destroy him from the inside. All the money that she received and worked for when to paying for the twins' tuition in private academy and brand name items to cover their poverty. Any money that was leftover was spent on alcohol. » The twins learned how to pickpocket and swindle from a young age so that they could get enough money to eat. » Baren became very good at taking care of people from a young age. He had an eye for detail that his sister didn't, leading him to meticulously managing both of their appearances. When he came home, he would care for their drunk mother. » In school, they were the definition of Fake It 'til You Make It. Even as they charmed their classmates, they never learned to trust anyone besides each other because they were sure they'd be discarded just like their mother once their friends realized they were poor. » They got the opportunity when they were 16 to be invited to a party where their father would be. Seizing the chance, they got him drunk enough to admit to family secrets and recorded it all - effective blackmail that would end his reputation and livelihood. In exchange for keeping it quiet, their father sends them large sums of money even now. » Yet blackmail and success do not quite win a mother's love and health. Due to her lifestyle, their mother died shortly after from "a disease one gets from overworking oneself" as the twins were told. (Also kidney failure and what have you.) » Baren cried at her grave even though he didn't want to. ❝ in recolle ❞ » Baren's AU last name is his mother's. It's written 回陽, pronounced Kaiyō and translates loosely to "sunshine". » Even worse and more misleading, Baren's given name kanji is written as 芭恋 and translates loosely to "love". » Once their mother died, the twins decided to leave Japan behind entirely. They didn't take any of their possessions or tell any of their "friends", they just abandoned it entirely to chase after a life where they could do what they want. » They decided to live in Recollé and arrived when they were 18. Even though they live there, they still traveled extensively over the next 3 years. They decided they wanted to see the rest of the world, too. » Baren began modeling as soon as he arrived in Recollé, certain that his good looks could take him wherever he needed. He was right. He easily finds work and regularly is the subject of magazine spreads, billboards, posters, and is the face of many fashion trends. His influence is remarkable for someone who doesn't use social media or interact with fans. » He also enrolled in Recollé University, claiming that he's bored if he doesn't have the option to do multiple things. In reality, he's careful in case modeling stops working out for him. He wants to have a back-up plan so he can always take care of his sister. » Still does all the things that a reckless college student would. He drinks, smokes, gambles, drag races, and is very good at causing chaos. The one thing he's never done is hard drugs - he never risks anything that he might get addicted to, in fear of (you guessed it) not being able to take care of his sister. » Even though he's dated multiple people over the past 3 years, he's never acknowledged that publicly. More than that, he made the executive decision to stop dating at all about a year ago. » His dream is to make enough money on his own so he doesn't have to rely on his father's, then he can live comfortably and quietly with his sister. » Retrospec probably won't let that happen.

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MISC.

[crudest]

For processing memory regains and the like because Baren has all the coping skills of a toaster.

morning of 7/30, cw: alcoholism, child neglect, briefly suicidal thoughts

[crudest]

It’s a flood.

The memories come in a flood and he sits up when they rush into his mind, slotting in place alongside his own memories as if they’ve always belonged. The sun isn’t up yet and he thinks it’s too early for him to deal with this cacophony. This disaster, this arrhythmic piece of his brain, this impossible to follow trail of shattered glass—

Because what else could he call it when there are warring pieces of information in his head.

One. “Hurry up and die, and suffer in purgatory!” yells one drunken man, cheeks red with a stone curled in his dirty fist. He wants it to find purchase against the wood of their rebuilt shrine, already rundown from their hatred. He might want even more for it to find purchase in one of their skulls.

Two. There’s the soft hands of a mature woman, her round face sweet and amused as she runs her hand through Baren’s hair, the tinkling of hair bells ringing with the gesture. Her laugh is just as innocent, her voice doting, sweet to his young ears. “Where do you think you’re going, Baren-kun? Are you going to play a game with us again today?”

Three. “And then he’s way too obstinate, like some annoyingly persistent cold,” his own voice says in the comfort of a courtesan house, sitting next to… a friend. The woman, Gengetsu, feels like a friend. There’s a flash of who he’s talking about, green hair, greenhorn—

Four. “I’m merely worried about you,” says the green-haired fool, sending a rush through Baren’s system. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t know what to say. It’d been a decade since someone said that to him. It’d been a decade since someone cared.

And then there’s her.

There’s the voice of his mother and in that moment, Baren knows it’s his mother. She speaks in sunshine and hums like a flute. Everything about her is radiant. She cups his face and pulls his cheek gently, laughing in her carefree way. Five. “Good fortune comes to those who smile, Baren.”

But that’s not her.

That’s not the woman who would be so drunk she couldn’t pull herself to bed, who would wait for Baren to get home from school to spit those words at him like a poisonous mix of vodka and venom, “You never should have been born.”

Zero, that’s origin point zero, because that’s the start of it. That’s always the start of it. He never should’ve been born, his life was a mistake, his existence was the first big flaw for so many people.

That’s the truth.

Everything else is – it isn’t – it is not—

Baren lets his fingers curl into the bed sheets of his own bed, his own penthouse apartment that he shares with his own sister and no one else. It’s not an abandoned shrine, it’s not a room full of laughter and love and people, god, so many warm people, it’s not a tiny place in Japan where the roof leaked and the fridge was never full.

If he crosses out what it’s not, maybe he’ll eventually find what it is.

It’s home—

Or so he thought.

It was supposed to be home.

Home was supposed to be a place where he and Okuni could be free. A place where no one expected anything of them. They didn’t have to learn how to paint, they didn’t have to learn extra languages just to impress someone who was born into wealth and splendor, and they didn’t have to wear these fake masks of sweetness, of politeness, of polished porcelain to cover their ugly hearts.

For a while, he had it.

There was a time when he had nights where he could listen to an engine’s roar and lose his laughter into the wind when Zoro literally floored the pedal of some loser’s car. There were days where he could let himself into Kashuu’s apartment and lay on his bed, as comfortable as if it were his own, and watch the other work and appreciate ambition for good purpose – a type of purpose that Baren didn’t think was even possible. There were nights where he could go ghost hunting with Nikkari not because he believed in ghosts but because he believed in the way that Nikkari treated him without barriers, where they were allowed to share a wavelength in the haunting hour. There were memories that were gathering dust now, of when he first arrived – when Chuuya wanted his attention not because he was Baren Kaiyou, the valedictorian of a renowned preparatory academy, but because he had grown so tired of hiding that he let every ounce of his bottled chaos run rampant and someone liked it.

There were mornings where Baren was shocked to find a full fridge even though he’d been the one to go grocery shopping. There were evenings where he pressed his fingers against the tall windows of his penthouse suite and could see the city skyline and think, “I can’t believe I’m not on these streets.” There were hours – hours that he could name like on December 17th – when he could lay on the couch with Okuni and watch snow fall and think, “I can’t believe we made it.”

Now Okuni was still sleeping in her bed where she’d lay until Baren would play the role of her personal alarm clock, rousing her from her sleep.

She would not have any dreams.

She would not know what Baren meant when he said, “Can you believe Retrospec sent more of these to me?”

She would yawn and smile, letting her own contentedness and easy joy warm up her expression, asking innocently, “What’s for breakfast today, Baren?”

And he would still be alone in this penthouse suite, trapped with his favorite person in the universe.

The feelings that crawl into his heart are intruders. He knows that in this lifetime, he’s never faced them before. The unabashed hatred and blame directed at him. The warmth and laughter of a room full of people where he didn’t have to hide, not even in childhood. A mother’s love.

Like a child, he hugs his knees.

He’d thought that the cruelest thing that Retrospec could do to him was provide that image of a second world where Baren was hated, but by a wider population - another life in which it was a mistake for him to be alive. They gave him confirmation of what he always dreaded but already knew.

But god, he was wrong.

The cruelest thing that Retrospec could do was to give him a glimpse of a sweetness he’d never known. A carefree childhood that he envied in others, where having food to eat was a given and telling the truth wasn’t a mistake. For a while, that was his. The unconditional love promised from a parent, who believed in good things like fortune and optimism and kindness – who believed in his chances to claim happiness for himself. In another life, that was his.

‘I thought I was done wanting that,’ he admonished himself even as he let his head fall against his knees, his eyes shutting. In a moment of weakness, he let the memories replay in his head. The good ones. He wanted so badly to fall into their warmth.

It would hurt more when he exited the room. He knew that. Okuni would wake up and still not know what he was talking about, and he’d feel even more alone just by the sheer fact that his most trusted person in the whole world – his only trusted person in the whole world – would no longer be able to relate. Even as he loved her, she wouldn’t be able to understand.

And he still didn’t know how to trust anyone else.

There were people who didn’t lie to him, who were patient enough to swear they wouldn’t even though they didn’t expect Baren to give up a damn thing in return, but—there would always be a but.

But maybe they kept their own secrets.

But there was always a chance they were still lying.

But most terrifying – they could always leave.

These memories – for he couldn’t deny that’s what they were now – they would still never truly be his. They would always belong to another Baren, whose life was harder and sweeter all at the same time.

Some parts were still missing.

Did that Baren learn to trust the green-haired moron?

Did that Baren ever have to face a life without Okuni?

Did that Baren live to see 30?

As he came to truly know the meaning of heartache, this Baren in this room in this penthouse in this place that was supposed to be a home but wasn’t, came to terms with one weak and terrible thing:

If he had to feel this alone forever, he’d rather die.