[He'll let himself get kicked off, landing on his feet anyway as he stares Zoro down and sighs. Right. The F word.... That's a pretty rare thing for him to use, right? Which makes... not a lot of sense, considering all the people that Zoro surrounds himself with, but whatever.]
You know there's nothing I can do if kidney failure comes for your ass, right.
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that's happening again]
I've said it a million fucking times - if you want your own bottle, you tell me before!
Stupid!
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[how is this a logical progression of their conversation? it's not.]
Why him anyway?! He makes me want to puke!
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that comment doesn't stop him from throwing an arm around zoro's neck to half put him in a sleeper hold]
Stop critiquing who ends up in my bed, it's fucking weird!!
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Shut up! It's weird having you sleep with frien–
[fuck. zoro nearly draws blood from how hard he bites down on his tongue.]
... Shit. [kicking baren off of him now. he grabs the booze and rolls back to standing, keeping his back to baren while he chugs.]
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You know there's nothing I can do if kidney failure comes for your ass, right.
It was two years ago. Let it go.
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[let him pout, baren. pout and chug.]
Why the hell did it have to be him?
[it's not really a question baren has to answer. it's not really a question he wants to know the answer to. he just. needs to say it.]
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[JUST SAYING!!
But regardless he rolls his eyes.]
Which one - why him that I dated or why him that we found first?
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[he'll finally put the booze down and go back to slumping on the nearest seat.]
Could have been any of them.
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baren shakes his head at that and goes to sit down next to zoro, huffing even as he uses his shoulder to bump into him]
If Sanj is your starting point, it can really only go up from here, you know? Don't get mopey, stupid.
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[a flat look before he decides he doesn't care and waves it off. rests his arms over the back of the seat and tips his head back.]
You really think the rest are here?
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'course I do.
And just because the first one you met is your least favorite doesn't mean I'm wrong.
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[it's the first time he's ever agreed. it feels nice. like there's still some hope after all. one good thing that french prick gave him, at least.
zoro smiles despite himself.
at least until he turns his attention back to baren.]
So... who else did you sleep with? Any of them named Luffy?
[obviously baren is the common thread here.]
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[probably???? he never thought that sanji would be the curly-browed guy that zoro was looking for]
.... maybe Nami goes by a different name. Or Robin? I like ladies more than men most of the time.
If I were to give you a list of everyone I've slept with, we'd need more than a bottle of whiskey.
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[is zoro serious]
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[FULL STOP]
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[that logic makes no sense zoro]
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[IS THAT REALLY SUCCESS]
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[record scratch.]
What?
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[still. he can't help but find it funny. leaning forward to grab the bottle, he muffles a laugh against its rim.]
Kind of wish I had known before it now.
[it's all said so casually. there's not even a hint of anything but humor.]
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[record scratch.]
What?
[how far are they from shore]
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Don't let it go to your head.
[lil light headsmack there.] Just thought you were trying to piss me off all those times. Didn't know it was sincere.
[surely baren's not talking about the rejection. clearly baren understood what was happening back then.]
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Motherfucker, are you seriously telling me you didn't think I was trying to get in your pants? I would've gotten bored once you stopped reacting—
[THAT'S NOT THE IMPORTANT PART]
Rewind - when did I turn you down? Was I drunk? I don't drink that much? You're the one who led me on at the fucking hotel...!
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[what hotel? or rather, which one?]
No. It was in the apartment. You were pissed, I apologized. How the hell don't you remember that?
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You mean your crush?
[don't open this hellbox, baren, don't do it]
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