[ So maybe Baren's stopping by the Inkwell to chat with Chuuya, or maybe he's just passing on by to who knows where. Either way, he'll notice a new sight right by the Inkwell's front door: a lifesize, Napoleonesque statue of a man on a glorious horse hewn roughly out of stone. The man is dressed in an elaborate, impractical ceremonial kimono, a sword raised valiantly over his head. A tiny crown sits askew on the man's head and if you look closely at his face -- yeah that's definitely supposed to be Yato.
Meanwhile, Yato himself is rather less gloriously dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and dusty smock, sweaty with exertion but blissfully beaming as he surveys his work. Judging by the fact that the statue is still on the makeshift trolley Yato dragged it here on, it hasn't been here for very long.
So absorbed in the statue is Yato that he's completely unaware of Baren coming by... ]
[if only this was the sengoku era where there would conveniently be a bunch of dung sitting around that he could throw at it.
alas.
instead baren is chewing gum as he walks by, proceeds to blow a bubble, let it pop as he oversees this disgusting statue placed outside his boyfriend's establishment and. he'll just. take the gum out of his mouth, do a little hop, and stick it right into statue yato's eye.]
[ now this is a story all about how yato's life got flipped-turned upside-down
A.k.a. his life every time Baren is involved. Yato's blissful expression snaps into indignation. He barely has to see Baren's face to know he's the culprit. ]
You!
[ He hops and plucks the gum right off the statue, gross stickiness and all, and immediately makes it a mission to stick into Baren's eye instead. HE'S DOWN TO WRESTLE. ]
[BAREN DOESN'T WANT TO WRESTLE - it's why he's going to take tanuki off his shoulder and hold him up as a shield for his face?? don't bring the gum too close or else it'll get stuck in his fur, yato???? don't be cruel.]
I don't hate art, I hate you!
[he doesn't even hate yato he just thinks this is funny]
[ But it doesn't stop Yato from darting left and right aggressively, trying to get around the fluffy aegis that is Tanuki-san. Eventually, he'll give that angle of attack up and
this is happening
jump and flip like six feet in the air so that he can majestically thrust the gum at Baren's head as he passes upside-down overhead. If Tanuki-san gets in the way, then... sometimes it's the innocent who suffer the most in war... ]
[that doesn't make any goddamn sense, yato, why are you like this. but is it any worse than the fact that baren is just going to pull out the metal smoking pipe from retrospec that he keeps in his back pocket and is just going to
dodge to the side and knock the piece of gum like a baseball so that it can fling right back onto the statue
[ Manly high-pitched shrieking, if that can be a thing. If Chuuya is working then he's probably not working anymore with all this commotion... Yato storms past Baren and plucks the gum off the statue again, only to violently hurl the offending glob into the distance. It's someone else's problem now? ]
You know what you're going to do? You're going to scare all the customers away.
And then what's going to happen? Chuu's gonna lose all the investment he put into this place. And then you know what? Bankrupt. Drinks his own supply. Out of business. Years of work gone to waste. Alas, poor Chuu.
Why?
Because you wanted to put this uglyass amateur statue somewhere besides the dump.
[maybe he should be less willing to discuss his boyfriend's demise]
Okay, but shut up real quick. Y'know why this is a great statue? 'Cause horses are mythical now. It's like having a statue of a dragon outside your shop! Totally cool! It screams character! People love taking pictures of stuff like this.
[ He demonstrates by posing next to the statue with his trademark pose. You know the one. More pictures = more publicity = more $$$!! Yato only has the best in mind for the Inkwell. Yes! ]
You got a problem, you take it up with the bossman!
[ chuuya doesn't even know about this but yato assumes chuuya will be in his corner. so what if baren is the boyfriend BIG WHOOP ]
[ well ok chuuya is here now and SURELY THAT MEANS HE WILL SAVE YATO FROM BAREN ]
Boss, boss! He [ points at baren ] vandalized my statue!
[ Again, the statue is of an excessively majestic rearing horse with long, flowing locks, atop which a very Yatolike figure sits dressed in a ceremonial kimono... What's the deal indeed ]
[chuuya just. watches this. quietly questions his life and choices.
then he huffs and steps in-between them, pointing at yato first.]
Okay. You have a shrine here so you can put a MINIATURE version of this with it, I'm pretty sure we'd have to get permission from the city to just put a statue here. And you--
[BAREN'S TURN]
If you threaten to cancel sex over dumb shit again then you're definitely not getting any! The hell is your problem?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
11/27 ig
Meanwhile, Yato himself is rather less gloriously dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and dusty smock, sweaty with exertion but blissfully beaming as he surveys his work. Judging by the fact that the statue is still on the makeshift trolley Yato dragged it here on, it hasn't been here for very long.
So absorbed in the statue is Yato that he's completely unaware of Baren coming by... ]
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alas.
instead baren is chewing gum as he walks by, proceeds to blow a bubble, let it pop as he oversees this disgusting statue placed outside his boyfriend's establishment and. he'll just. take the gum out of his mouth, do a little hop, and stick it right into statue yato's eye.]
... Better.
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A.k.a. his life every time Baren is involved. Yato's blissful expression snaps into indignation. He barely has to see Baren's face to know he's the culprit. ]
You!
[ He hops and plucks the gum right off the statue, gross stickiness and all, and immediately makes it a mission to stick into Baren's eye instead. HE'S DOWN TO WRESTLE. ]
What's the big idea?! Why do you hate art?!
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I don't hate art, I hate you!
[he doesn't even hate yato he just thinks this is funny]
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[ But it doesn't stop Yato from darting left and right aggressively, trying to get around the fluffy aegis that is Tanuki-san. Eventually, he'll give that angle of attack up and
this is happening
jump and flip like six feet in the air so that he can majestically thrust the gum at Baren's head as he passes upside-down overhead. If Tanuki-san gets in the way, then... sometimes it's the innocent who suffer the most in war... ]
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dodge to the side and knock the piece of gum like a baseball so that it can fling right back onto the statue
who let animes be a thing]
Hooooomerun!
[hope chuuya isn't working, wow]
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[ Manly high-pitched shrieking, if that can be a thing. If Chuuya is working then he's probably not working anymore with all this commotion... Yato storms past Baren and plucks the gum off the statue again, only to violently hurl the offending glob into the distance. It's someone else's problem now? ]
If you wanna fight, then let's fight!!
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[HUFFILY POINTS AT THE STUPID HORSE STATUE.
GOD!!]
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[ He gestures grandly at the statue. Observe: the luscious, flowing mane! The regal bearing! The steely eyes of god and steed! ]
Eye-catching, don't you think? It might even draw in more customers.
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And then what's going to happen? Chuu's gonna lose all the investment he put into this place. And then you know what? Bankrupt. Drinks his own supply. Out of business. Years of work gone to waste. Alas, poor Chuu.
Why?
Because you wanted to put this uglyass amateur statue somewhere besides the dump.
[maybe he should be less willing to discuss his boyfriend's demise]
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[ He demonstrates by posing next to the statue with his trademark pose. You know the one. More pictures = more publicity = more $$$!! Yato only has the best in mind for the Inkwell. Yes! ]
You got a problem, you take it up with the bossman!
[ chuuya doesn't even know about this but yato assumes chuuya will be in his corner. so what if baren is the boyfriend BIG WHOOP ]
i pinged teej for this
Okay.
[And he'll walk inside the Inkwell to find Chuuya.
Yato will probably not be interested in knowing what Baren threatens Chuuya with.]
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Can you two not be like this for five minutes?! What's the big deal with this thing, anyway...
[PLEASE EXPLAIN]
oh my god
Boss, boss! He [ points at baren ] vandalized my statue!
[ Again, the statue is of an excessively majestic rearing horse with long, flowing locks, atop which a very Yatolike figure sits dressed in a ceremonial kimono... What's the deal indeed ]
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[blandly.]
It's an eyesore.
You're an eyesore, but at least I'm not telling you to go to the dump [today].
tagging this but HOP IN WHENEVER TEEJ
[ this is your life chuuya ]
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then he huffs and steps in-between them, pointing at yato first.]
Okay. You have a shrine here so you can put a MINIATURE version of this with it, I'm pretty sure we'd have to get permission from the city to just put a statue here. And you--
[BAREN'S TURN]
If you threaten to cancel sex over dumb shit again then you're definitely not getting any! The hell is your problem?
[yeah this sure is happening in public]
[1/2]
blandly:]
You wouldn't last three days. For a threat to work, it has to be believable, Chuu.
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and then proceed to jumpkick at the statue with the intention of knocking it right over then and there]
Garbage!!
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2. The statue is obscenely heavy so it does not do much more than wobble in place
3. However the statue is still on the trolley that Yato carted it here on, so the whole thing gets rolling
and rolling
and rolling
and now it's headed for open traffic ]
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baren's favorite thing ever
he doubles over then and there, clutching his stomach in laughter as he watches the statue roll away]
Alright, I'm good.
[and he'll just?? try to leave???? fuckin hell]
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Did you see how heavy that thing is?! We're not just letting it go, it's going to run over somebody!
[what if people think it was his statue what if he's liable???]
Yato, tell me that has brakes-
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Yeah, but it's not like it we can press 'em from here! Can't you stop it with your--
[ statue-chan hits a crack in the sidewalk and promptly falls over and beheads itself. ]
...
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he's doubled over in laughter]
Can the gods hate another god so much....?!
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-at least it didn't hit anybody.
[he's not going to bother telling baren to stop laughing because that's a futile effort... he just sets a hand on yato's shoulder, solemnly.]
...it'll probably glue back on or something, right?
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