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[crudest]

Baren Kaiyou

i think the fuck not my guy 💩

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[crudest]

[probably not]

Not a chance in hell.

[stopbleeding]

Say his real name, Baren.

[he's stepping closer to the whale.]

Estefano Beluga.

[crudest]

For fuck's sake keep your lame movie names to yourself.

[DON'T CURSE THEIR WHALE LIKE THAT]

[stopbleeding]

Yeah. Because"Montgomery" isn't straight from the BBC.

[CROSSING HIS ARMS]

[crudest]

You think all posh names are from the BBC.

- actually fuck, a drag queen name would've been pretty good.

[if we're talking about baren's preferred programming]

[stopbleeding]

We're not naming another thing RuPaul.

[crudest]

That's because you're a tasteless behemoth.

[stopbleeding]

We've got eight RuPauls, Baren.

[crudest]

Yeah and you killed two of them.

[probably the roses from october]

[stopbleeding]

That means we still have six RuPauls.

[crudest]

Not nearly enough.

[is he serious]

[stopbleeding]

One of my cars is named Rupaul. That's more than enough.

[crudest]

You could still use more RuPaul in your life.

[and back to the whale - ]

Monty needed a middle name. Montgomery RuPaul Beluga.

[stopbleeding]

You're keeping Beluga.

[he's... surprised. also kind of offended?? estefano was clearly the better name in his offering.]

[crudest]

Yeah, so stop bitching.

[and now he's gonna wrap his arms around this whale and flop on top of it and give up on watching tv]

Grab one of your explosion movie DVDs, there's nothing good on.

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro considers this request along with Baren cuddling with his "stolen" whale, Montgomery RuPaul Beluga. yeah. sure. he'll go with it. sort of.]

... We're watching Big.

[the tom hanks movie. again. there's no explosions. deal with it baren.]

[crudest]

I made one request.

[explosions????? he's going to fucking fall asleep here]

[stopbleeding]

I'll make explosion noises while we watch Big.

[ they're watching big ]

[crudest]

[ . . . . he thinks about it.]

At all the wrong moments?

[stopbleeding]

[he stops short. this will definitely be the only way baren will watch tom hanks without protest but also...]

... Not if Tom Hanks is speaking.

[crudest]

Is that most of the movie.

[stopbleeding]

I plead the sixth.

[he means the fifth.]

[crudest]

What's the sixth amendment?

[ baren's inner mind theater:


]

[stopbleeding]

I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.

[no.]

[crudest]

That sounds like what someone who doesn't know what the sixth amendment would say.