ic inbox.

[crudest]

Baren Kaiyou

i think the fuck not my guy 💩

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[crudest]

You could still use more RuPaul in your life.

[and back to the whale - ]

Monty needed a middle name. Montgomery RuPaul Beluga.

[stopbleeding]

You're keeping Beluga.

[he's... surprised. also kind of offended?? estefano was clearly the better name in his offering.]

[crudest]

Yeah, so stop bitching.

[and now he's gonna wrap his arms around this whale and flop on top of it and give up on watching tv]

Grab one of your explosion movie DVDs, there's nothing good on.

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro considers this request along with Baren cuddling with his "stolen" whale, Montgomery RuPaul Beluga. yeah. sure. he'll go with it. sort of.]

... We're watching Big.

[the tom hanks movie. again. there's no explosions. deal with it baren.]

[crudest]

I made one request.

[explosions????? he's going to fucking fall asleep here]

[stopbleeding]

I'll make explosion noises while we watch Big.

[ they're watching big ]

[crudest]

[ . . . . he thinks about it.]

At all the wrong moments?

[stopbleeding]

[he stops short. this will definitely be the only way baren will watch tom hanks without protest but also...]

... Not if Tom Hanks is speaking.

[crudest]

Is that most of the movie.

[stopbleeding]

I plead the sixth.

[he means the fifth.]

[crudest]

What's the sixth amendment?

[ baren's inner mind theater:


]

[stopbleeding]

I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.

[no.]

[crudest]

That sounds like what someone who doesn't know what the sixth amendment would say.

[stopbleeding]

You say it then.

[crudest]

[Completely straight faced:]

The sixth amendment is the right to use horses - chocobos now, I guess [goTTA STAY CONSISTENTLY INACCURATE] - and chickens as a form of currency should the monetary system fail.

[stopbleeding]

Bullshit.

[crudest]

You don't know that for sure.

[stopbleeding]

I'll look it up.

[no he won't]

[crudest]

Sounds fake.

[are they watching Big yet]

Make an explosion noise.

[stopbleeding]

[sure bc i don't want to thread him getting it that's boring.]

It's the FBI warning.

[crudest]

Did I stutter?

[stopbleeding]

[zoro makes an explosion sound]

[crudest]

[baren laughs

fucking delighted

he's 5 years old]

[stopbleeding]

[yeah, he is. sucks that zoro likes it. can't help but crack a smile when he hears the laugh. it's enough that he turns away to hide it, scratching the side of his face, trying to affix a typical scowl instead.]

Satisfied?

[crudest]

[god this is gay

yet Baren perks up when he notices Zoro turning away, laughing some more as he follows after with the movement to bump and then lean against Zoro's shoulder - ]

Again, again!

[he's so annoyingly persistent]