ic inbox.

[crudest]

Baren Kaiyou

i think the fuck not my guy 💩

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Comments

[stopbleeding]

One of my cars is named Rupaul. That's more than enough.

[crudest]

You could still use more RuPaul in your life.

[and back to the whale - ]

Monty needed a middle name. Montgomery RuPaul Beluga.

[stopbleeding]

You're keeping Beluga.

[he's... surprised. also kind of offended?? estefano was clearly the better name in his offering.]

[crudest]

Yeah, so stop bitching.

[and now he's gonna wrap his arms around this whale and flop on top of it and give up on watching tv]

Grab one of your explosion movie DVDs, there's nothing good on.

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro considers this request along with Baren cuddling with his "stolen" whale, Montgomery RuPaul Beluga. yeah. sure. he'll go with it. sort of.]

... We're watching Big.

[the tom hanks movie. again. there's no explosions. deal with it baren.]

[crudest]

I made one request.

[explosions????? he's going to fucking fall asleep here]

[stopbleeding]

I'll make explosion noises while we watch Big.

[ they're watching big ]

[crudest]

[ . . . . he thinks about it.]

At all the wrong moments?

[stopbleeding]

[he stops short. this will definitely be the only way baren will watch tom hanks without protest but also...]

... Not if Tom Hanks is speaking.

[crudest]

Is that most of the movie.

[stopbleeding]

I plead the sixth.

[he means the fifth.]

[crudest]

What's the sixth amendment?

[ baren's inner mind theater:


]

[stopbleeding]

I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.

[no.]

[crudest]

That sounds like what someone who doesn't know what the sixth amendment would say.

[stopbleeding]

You say it then.

[crudest]

[Completely straight faced:]

The sixth amendment is the right to use horses - chocobos now, I guess [goTTA STAY CONSISTENTLY INACCURATE] - and chickens as a form of currency should the monetary system fail.

[stopbleeding]

Bullshit.

[crudest]

You don't know that for sure.

[stopbleeding]

I'll look it up.

[no he won't]

[crudest]

Sounds fake.

[are they watching Big yet]

Make an explosion noise.

[stopbleeding]

[sure bc i don't want to thread him getting it that's boring.]

It's the FBI warning.

[crudest]

Did I stutter?

[stopbleeding]

[zoro makes an explosion sound]

[crudest]

[baren laughs

fucking delighted

he's 5 years old]

[stopbleeding]

[yeah, he is. sucks that zoro likes it. can't help but crack a smile when he hears the laugh. it's enough that he turns away to hide it, scratching the side of his face, trying to affix a typical scowl instead.]

Satisfied?