Trusting Baren so desperately, so certainly - that's such a mistake. Yet as Chuuya holds onto his hand, Baren can't bring himself to let go and leave. Not yet.
A breath out.]
..... Yeah.
Yeah, I know you do.
[and he wishes he didn't appreciate it so much when he knows he'll break it all over again]
[Chuuya manages a half-smile, there, and slowly lets go of Baren's hand.]
Look, if- you need to go, it's fine.
[he doesn't want him to, he doesn't want to be alone, but... that promise is enough that he can let Baren go, for now. he's beginning to trust him to show back up again, recently, as dangerous as that is-- but even if he disappears again, Chuuya is still going to trust him to be there when he has to be.
There's a brief inhale and he lets go when Chuuya releases his hand but - he falters. That's a bad sign. That's what makes him feel like they're getting too close, too comfortable again.
So he just gives Chuuya a hesitant glance.]
Alright.
... but you know you can't get used to it, Chuu - me being here - like this.
[He trusts that Chuuya understands what he means.
Staying until morning, sharing a bed, making breakfast - it's all too dangerously close.
But with that Baren will get up, head over to Chuuya's room to collect his clothes, and probably leave out the window just to leave the conversation at that.
As badly as he craves another person's understanding and company, he still doesn't dare to inflict himself on Chuuya yet again.]
[he knows. he knows. it's becoming clearer and clearer to him that the feelings he thought he'd gotten over were in fact just shoved under the rug, and baren's presence has slowly been dragging them back out into the light.
it scares him, honestly. that they're falling back into this so easily, that his own heart's betraying him-- but most of all it scares him that the very thing that makes him want to keep baren close would probably drive him away for good if he knew. now that he has him back, even if only in part...
he's scared of losing it again.
but if you love something, let it go, right?
so he does. he doesn't move again even after he's heard the window close, just dropping his face onto the table with a soft huff and asking an empty apartment-]
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no subject
[he's still uncertain, but if baren says he'll figure it out-
hell, maybe he will. if anyone could pull off something crazy, chuuya thinks it's probably baren.
so he reaches up to take one of baren's hands in his, giving it a little squeeze; he doesn't let go, though, still clinging to it like an anchor.]
I trust you.
no subject
Trusting Baren so desperately, so certainly - that's such a mistake. Yet as Chuuya holds onto his hand, Baren can't bring himself to let go and leave. Not yet.
A breath out.]
..... Yeah.
Yeah, I know you do.
[and he wishes he didn't appreciate it so much when he knows he'll break it all over again]
no subject
[Chuuya manages a half-smile, there, and slowly lets go of Baren's hand.]
Look, if- you need to go, it's fine.
[he doesn't want him to, he doesn't want to be alone, but... that promise is enough that he can let Baren go, for now. he's beginning to trust him to show back up again, recently, as dangerous as that is-- but even if he disappears again, Chuuya is still going to trust him to be there when he has to be.
it's real fucking unfortunate, isn't it.]
no subject
Everyone has been giving him so many outs.
There's a brief inhale and he lets go when Chuuya releases his hand but - he falters. That's a bad sign. That's what makes him feel like they're getting too close, too comfortable again.
So he just gives Chuuya a hesitant glance.]
Alright.
... but you know you can't get used to it, Chuu - me being here - like this.
[He trusts that Chuuya understands what he means.
Staying until morning, sharing a bed, making breakfast - it's all too dangerously close.
But with that Baren will get up, head over to Chuuya's room to collect his clothes, and probably leave out the window just to leave the conversation at that.
As badly as he craves another person's understanding and company, he still doesn't dare to inflict himself on Chuuya yet again.]
no subject
[he knows. he knows. it's becoming clearer and clearer to him that the feelings he thought he'd gotten over were in fact just shoved under the rug, and baren's presence has slowly been dragging them back out into the light.
it scares him, honestly. that they're falling back into this so easily, that his own heart's betraying him-- but most of all it scares him that the very thing that makes him want to keep baren close would probably drive him away for good if he knew. now that he has him back, even if only in part...
he's scared of losing it again.
but if you love something, let it go, right?
so he does. he doesn't move again even after he's heard the window close, just dropping his face onto the table with a soft huff and asking an empty apartment-]
What the fuck are we doing, huh?