[for a second, part of him isn't sure baren's coming back when he stands up-- but no, he's just getting more wine, it's fine. it's fine.
chuuya doesn't start on the second glass immediately; instead, there's a long moment of silence as he considers baren's words.]
...yeah. Yeah, it feels like it. But- shit. I know I told you I was thinking about going along with it, but the more of that version of me I remember, the harder it is to reconcile it, you know? Things like that don't happen here. I even looked into it-- crime just kind of stopped here a while back. Fishy shit, if you ask me.
[now he's taking another drink, with another pause.]
If I want to go with it, I'm gonna have to make shit happen myself.
Unlike Chuuya, Baren starts on nursing his drink in thought. His brow furrows and he hums, noncommittally. Then with a curling grin, he leans forward.]
Cold feet?
[And Baren snorts faintly, head tilting.]
I don't have much to gain from getting involved in fishy business - but that's hardly stopped me before. Are you scared of who you might be, Chuu? What you might do?
[and he laughs then, careless and free as ever despite the topic.]
Because you know, you still get to choose who you want to be. Whoever that is, doing whatever you want.
[chuuya shoves at him, giving him a sour look over the rim of his wineglass. he's not afraid, that isn't it at all, asshole.
but-]
-maybe of doing it by myself, I guess. I mean... like I told you, I was mafia. I wasn't exactly working by myself, I had people working for me and I had a boss, I- think I might have had a sister, or something like it.
It's hard to know where to start, y'know? Or how to find other people like me without tipping off the wrong ones. If you're in, though...
[chuuya glances back up to him, there, giving him a little grin.]
[There's apprehension that Baren doesn't show on his face. If he actually gets caught, what would he tell Okuni? But also the idea of not letting his curiosity roam, of not following a lead where he finds one....
That's just not him, is it?
So Baren raises a brow before laughing, reaching out in his too familiar way, fingers curling underneath Chuuya's chin to keep his head in place so they're eye to eye. ]
Are you asking me to commit a crime, Chuu?
Me, a good, fair, and upstanding citizen?
I'd really have to think about that one, you know....
Baren probably should've seen that coming, but he didn't. Regardless he's still responding automatically - he leans into the kiss for half a second before automatically baring his teeth and biting Chuuya almost to chastise him before pulling back.]
Could've sworn you said that's not what you wanted me over here for.
But he thinks about how this is a bad idea and they just made a toast to bad ideas. He thinks about the crippling loneliness that festers in him without being able to make a connection with his sister. He thinks about how sometimes it's nice to be in Chuuya's place like this and forget about the years of imposed distance.
Some part of him cautions him against doing anything shitty that could lead Chuuya on.
But then he thinks - Chuuya knows where they're at, right?]
Well, if it's not for my ex, but for my partner in crime....
[He familiarly leans into Chuuya's space, presses their foreheads together, stops just before their lips touch so the words linger between them.]
he likes the sound of that a lot more than he thought he would-- nevermind that it obviously sounds nicer, but ex is so firmly rooted in the past. it's the bond they used to have; this is what they have now, what they're agreeing to all over again.
it'd be a new sort of trust, maybe, if chuuya had ever stopped trusting him in the first place like he should've.]
You'd just consider it? C'mon, Baren. If we're gonna be partners, you're either down or you're not.
Well if you're going to back me into a corner like that—
[what can he do but agree?
partners or not, down or not - living on those types of extremes are what Baren does best. it's impulse that drives him forward and impulse that tells him to put down his wine glass on the closest flat surface, lean forward and press his lips against Chuuya's again
a murderer, a mafioso, a madman - it fails to matter in this moment to Baren. if it's Chuu, then what's wrong with giving in a little bit again?]
the first several moments are pleasant, but the conversation's brought another memory to mind, one that comes to his attention right in time to ruin that kiss. he remembers being hurt, somehow, remembers telling dazai of all people that he'd trusted him (used something? there's not enough context to know exactly what.) remembers demanding he get him out of there safely.
dazai called him his partner again.
chuuya promptly breaks the kiss and shifts back, eyes wide and a little unfocused, breath coming a little heavier.]
[and there it is - though the timing is enough to make Baren question out loud, under his breath - ]
Again?
[though he's at least careful, hovers over Chuuya instead of letting his weight fall on him and reaches out to cup his cheek automatically, getting a better look at his eyes as close as they are and questioning.]
[chuuya blinks up at him, refocusing on his face, on his touch. right. he's here, with him.
he exhales slowly, takes in a steadier breath.]
You remember me mentioning the guy I tried to kill, once? It was him. Dazai. We used to be partners, but- I don't know exactly what happened, I just know I thought of him as a traitor.
[he shakes his head, as if to clear it.]
So I don't know why the fuck I just remembered... working with him or something? I was hurt pretty bad, I don't know how, but-- I told him I'd trusted him and done something. Told him he'd better get me out of there. And he called me partner again, like he had any right-!
[now he's just getting himself worked up, hands clenched, teeth grit.]
Given what Baren had talked about with Kashuu. Knowing all that he did about how to trigger these memories. He knows the connection - in this set of memories, Baren is this Dazai. A person that Chuuya wants to kill. A person that Chuuya was betrayed by. A person that, despite all that, Chuuya chose to trust and call his partner.
He hesitates.
No one should ever really call him partner, because he knows he will turn at a moment's notice if his sister only asked.
But he doesn't say that. Instead he listens, tries to push down the difficult feelings around Chuuya being hurt, and Chuuya's teeth are grit and he's struggling and processing and -
Baren leans up to press a kiss to his forehead, tender despite its brevity.
And he backs up, meets Chuuya where he is, and urges—]
the kiss helps, though. it's a calming little gesture, and he tries again to close his eyes and breathe evenly, to inhale deeply and just. chill. he's fine. he can do that.
he's still a little unsettled, but when he opens his eyes again several moments later, he's at least more calm.]
[Baren waits. Watches. Evaluates as Chuuya slowly calms and he sighs, tilting his head as he watches and waits.]
Mm.... alright.
So you know more about this Dazai guy? You hate him, he betrayed you, you still trust him despite everything? Even when you're injured... That you're willing to kill him and he won't kill you.
Sounds about right?
[ . . . ]
You know, it's pretty shit that when I had one of these in front of you, you didn't believe me for shit, but I'll take you at your word but whatever.
[-ah. he had to sneak in that reminder, though, didn't he, and chuuya winces at it.]
-shit, I forgot about-- so that was a real one after all, huh?
[and he was a total dick about it.]
I- look, it seemed weird at the time that you'd get your first one ever right then, alright? And it seemed like the kind of thing you'd do to fuck with me.
[it's all excuses, though, and eventually he sighs, giving his head another little shake.]
[but for now, that's all Baren will leave it at. He doesn't mind the idea of having an upper hand against Chuuya, even though he'll most likely use it for laughs than anything else.
For right now, he settles for tucking locks of hair behind Chuuya's ear and tilting his head.]
... so?
What about this one that just happened? Are you alright? There's food on the stove if you feel queasy.
[Baren shakes his head even as he retracts his hand - acknowledging at the very least that it's a bad idea for Chuuya to get used to this kind of attention from him.]
.... well, relationships like that are supposed to be hard to break, right? Or something.
[not that he'd know. but. it's supposed to be those ties that last through anything, right?
Baren wonders what that kind of thing feels like.]
How can you say that out loud and then keep doing it.....
[He just has questions, okay. But also even though he entertains the thought of disappearing now - he doesn't quite go for it. Instead he shifts so he can lean against the couch, reaching his arms to move around Chuuya so that he can automatically start playing with his hair with his idle fingers.]
[ah, that's nice-- he'll want to move to the bed eventually, maybe, but for now? for now, this is good. chuuya settles in, letting baren do whatever he wants with his hair.]
Trust me, I'm gonna try not to. No point in not being there to enjoy the results of a job well done, yeah?
But it never hurts to have someone else watching your back, either.
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chuuya doesn't start on the second glass immediately; instead, there's a long moment of silence as he considers baren's words.]
...yeah. Yeah, it feels like it. But- shit. I know I told you I was thinking about going along with it, but the more of that version of me I remember, the harder it is to reconcile it, you know? Things like that don't happen here. I even looked into it-- crime just kind of stopped here a while back. Fishy shit, if you ask me.
[now he's taking another drink, with another pause.]
If I want to go with it, I'm gonna have to make shit happen myself.
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Unlike Chuuya, Baren starts on nursing his drink in thought. His brow furrows and he hums, noncommittally. Then with a curling grin, he leans forward.]
Cold feet?
[And Baren snorts faintly, head tilting.]
I don't have much to gain from getting involved in fishy business - but that's hardly stopped me before. Are you scared of who you might be, Chuu? What you might do?
[and he laughs then, careless and free as ever despite the topic.]
Because you know, you still get to choose who you want to be. Whoever that is, doing whatever you want.
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[chuuya shoves at him, giving him a sour look over the rim of his wineglass. he's not afraid, that isn't it at all, asshole.
but-]
-maybe of doing it by myself, I guess. I mean... like I told you, I was mafia. I wasn't exactly working by myself, I had people working for me and I had a boss, I- think I might have had a sister, or something like it.
It's hard to know where to start, y'know? Or how to find other people like me without tipping off the wrong ones. If you're in, though...
[chuuya glances back up to him, there, giving him a little grin.]
Shit, what couldn't we do.
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That's just not him, is it?
So Baren raises a brow before laughing, reaching out in his too familiar way, fingers curling underneath Chuuya's chin to keep his head in place so they're eye to eye. ]
Are you asking me to commit a crime, Chuu?
Me, a good, fair, and upstanding citizen?
I'd really have to think about that one, you know....
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[he rolls his eyes, but he's still grinning, still with a hint of a laugh in his voice. honestly, baren.]
I'm just saying we should shake the place up a bit, that's all.
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[probably. but he's amused regardless, grinning even as he lets go of Chuuya's face and instead moves to clink their wine glasses together]
To a chaotic, very bad, good time then.
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[chuuya follows his lead, letting their glasses clink together before he drains his in one last drink.]
To giving the powers that be something they can't ignore.
[and with that, he's just going to.
lean in and kiss him, because why the fuck not.]
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Baren probably should've seen that coming, but he didn't. Regardless he's still responding automatically - he leans into the kiss for half a second before automatically baring his teeth and biting Chuuya almost to chastise him before pulling back.]
Could've sworn you said that's not what you wanted me over here for.
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[come on, baren, you can't just agree to be partners-in-crime and expect not to get a kiss for it. honestly.]
I'm not saying anything has to happen, alright?
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But he thinks about how this is a bad idea and they just made a toast to bad ideas. He thinks about the crippling loneliness that festers in him without being able to make a connection with his sister. He thinks about how sometimes it's nice to be in Chuuya's place like this and forget about the years of imposed distance.
Some part of him cautions him against doing anything shitty that could lead Chuuya on.
But then he thinks - Chuuya knows where they're at, right?]
Well, if it's not for my ex, but for my partner in crime....
[He familiarly leans into Chuuya's space, presses their foreheads together, stops just before their lips touch so the words linger between them.]
I'd consider it.
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he likes the sound of that a lot more than he thought he would-- nevermind that it obviously sounds nicer, but ex is so firmly rooted in the past. it's the bond they used to have; this is what they have now, what they're agreeing to all over again.
it'd be a new sort of trust, maybe, if chuuya had ever stopped trusting him in the first place like he should've.]
You'd just consider it? C'mon, Baren. If we're gonna be partners, you're either down or you're not.
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[what can he do but agree?
partners or not, down or not - living on those types of extremes are what Baren does best. it's impulse that drives him forward and impulse that tells him to put down his wine glass on the closest flat surface, lean forward and press his lips against Chuuya's again
a murderer, a mafioso, a madman - it fails to matter in this moment to Baren. if it's Chuu, then what's wrong with giving in a little bit again?]
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at least he does at first.
the first several moments are pleasant, but the conversation's brought another memory to mind, one that comes to his attention right in time to ruin that kiss. he remembers being hurt, somehow, remembers telling dazai of all people that he'd trusted him (used something? there's not enough context to know exactly what.) remembers demanding he get him out of there safely.
dazai called him his partner again.
chuuya promptly breaks the kiss and shifts back, eyes wide and a little unfocused, breath coming a little heavier.]
What the fuck happened--
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Again?
[though he's at least careful, hovers over Chuuya instead of letting his weight fall on him and reaches out to cup his cheek automatically, getting a better look at his eyes as close as they are and questioning.]
Chuu. Earth to Chuuya, you're here. With me.
What did you see? Who?
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[chuuya blinks up at him, refocusing on his face, on his touch. right. he's here, with him.
he exhales slowly, takes in a steadier breath.]
You remember me mentioning the guy I tried to kill, once? It was him. Dazai. We used to be partners, but- I don't know exactly what happened, I just know I thought of him as a traitor.
[he shakes his head, as if to clear it.]
So I don't know why the fuck I just remembered... working with him or something? I was hurt pretty bad, I don't know how, but-- I told him I'd trusted him and done something. Told him he'd better get me out of there. And he called me partner again, like he had any right-!
[now he's just getting himself worked up, hands clenched, teeth grit.]
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Given what Baren had talked about with Kashuu. Knowing all that he did about how to trigger these memories. He knows the connection - in this set of memories, Baren is this Dazai. A person that Chuuya wants to kill. A person that Chuuya was betrayed by. A person that, despite all that, Chuuya chose to trust and call his partner.
He hesitates.
No one should ever really call him partner, because he knows he will turn at a moment's notice if his sister only asked.
But he doesn't say that. Instead he listens, tries to push down the difficult feelings around Chuuya being hurt, and Chuuya's teeth are grit and he's struggling and processing and -
Baren leans up to press a kiss to his forehead, tender despite its brevity.
And he backs up, meets Chuuya where he is, and urges—]
Hey.
Chuu.
I need you to chill.
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[no, you're fucking not
the kiss helps, though. it's a calming little gesture, and he tries again to close his eyes and breathe evenly, to inhale deeply and just. chill. he's fine. he can do that.
he's still a little unsettled, but when he opens his eyes again several moments later, he's at least more calm.]
-alright. Alright, I'm good.
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Mm.... alright.
So you know more about this Dazai guy? You hate him, he betrayed you, you still trust him despite everything? Even when you're injured... That you're willing to kill him and he won't kill you.
Sounds about right?
[ . . . ]
You know, it's pretty shit that when I had one of these in front of you, you didn't believe me for shit, but I'll take you at your word but whatever.
[gotta sneak in a moment to be PA]
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[-ah. he had to sneak in that reminder, though, didn't he, and chuuya winces at it.]
-shit, I forgot about-- so that was a real one after all, huh?
[and he was a total dick about it.]
I- look, it seemed weird at the time that you'd get your first one ever right then, alright? And it seemed like the kind of thing you'd do to fuck with me.
[it's all excuses, though, and eventually he sighs, giving his head another little shake.]
...let me make it up to you sometime.
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[but for now, that's all Baren will leave it at. He doesn't mind the idea of having an upper hand against Chuuya, even though he'll most likely use it for laughs than anything else.
For right now, he settles for tucking locks of hair behind Chuuya's ear and tilting his head.]
... so?
What about this one that just happened? Are you alright? There's food on the stove if you feel queasy.
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Queasy? How delicate do you think I am, huh? I've seen worse than that.
[that comes with a petulant little huff. yeah, super convincing, chuuya.]
...I'm fine. I just-- I don't understand why it happened, you know? Or what I did that messed me up that much, either.
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.... well, relationships like that are supposed to be hard to break, right? Or something.
[not that he'd know. but. it's supposed to be those ties that last through anything, right?
Baren wonders what that kind of thing feels like.]
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[baren stops the attention, but chuuya's not ready for it to go; he leans in, letting his weight rest against baren just for the contact.]
Fuck, maybe all versions of me just make bad decisions when it comes to that kind of thing.
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[He just has questions, okay. But also even though he entertains the thought of disappearing now - he doesn't quite go for it. Instead he shifts so he can lean against the couch, reaching his arms to move around Chuuya so that he can automatically start playing with his hair with his idle fingers.]
Whatever.
Just don't do something stupid like dying.
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Trust me, I'm gonna try not to. No point in not being there to enjoy the results of a job well done, yeah?
But it never hurts to have someone else watching your back, either.
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