[he almost saw that coming - his fingers relaxing on the braid in case chuuya did intend on turning around. given the way that he stops himself though, baren just continues as if there's not really a problem with anything that he's saying at all.]
Yeah.
[ . . . ]
It seems stupid - and I feel like it'll be stupider saying it out loud but... I think that was on purpose.
[judging from his own thoughts, the bits and pieces that he's finally picking up behind why he acted as he did. to purposefully paint a target on his own back...]
You think it was what? Why would it be on purpose...?
[while he doesn't mind hearing it, having some indication that he was right and baren really wasn't just the shitty person he seems to think he was in the past--
[it's such a ridiculous thought - and that's why baren didn't pay heed to it as an option. it was easier to accept that he was a terrible person, who didn't care about others, who only wanted to set fires for entertainment and not care who was burned.
his fingers pause in their braiding. he likes having something for his hands to do, but they still in the next moment as he can't figure out an easy way to say it without alarming chuuya.]
Well -
It'd be easier.
There'd be no guilt involved for when I eventually died.
[for when they eventually killed me.]
Edited (maybe?? less tags?? at 1 am?) 2018-04-07 08:25 (UTC)
[the fact that he stops already has chuuya concerned, and this time he does turn around, shifting enough to sit sideways on the bed and meet baren's eyes. his brow's furrowed, lip caught between his teeth.]
Baren-- what are you talking about, huh? What do you mean, when-
[it's something he hates the thought of, even in another life. hates the idea of anything getting to baren that way when he's been such a constant presence here, even though chuuya knows no one is immune to death.]
[he only just barely manages to put a clip at the end of chuuya's braid when he turns around, holding it in place so baren's work doesn't get undone.
there's a second where he glances elsewhere, uncertain how to say it more directly than that. he can't meet chuuya's eyes, and that's probably telling enough.
still, he doesn't like upsetting him. he'll reach out for chuuya's hands just so that he can bring them up to his lips to kiss the back of them.]
If they're going to hate me enough to kill me anyway...
I might as well let them do it with a clear conscience, because it's easier to kill a monster or a beast.
[there's no way that wouldn't upset chuuya, and he'd be reaching out for baren if he hadn't already taken his hands. those words are at odds with the way he kisses them; chuuya grips his hands tighter, there.]
But you aren't, you idiot, why would you let them think that?! Maybe they wouldn't want to kill you if you didn't try to make them hate you--
They hated us when we were children, because they thought we were cursed, because our mother died. The hate was already there.
[that was planted. that wasn't his idea. his idea was just encouraging it - ]
And what would happen if they realized they were wrong, if they were wrong? They'd feel guilty, or they'd find something else to blame, something that's harder to break than she and I were. That's no way to live.
[and everyone's still unhappy.]
It was the only way to protect them, Chuu.
[he accepts chuuya gripping onto his hands, even as baren's own only hold back just barely. he's not upset by this. he's had some time to think it over since he got the memory, even on the bus ride back. this is how it was - and he thinks it's a fine end, somehow.]
So it's no way for them to live, but it's fine for you to have to live like that?
[he understands, to a degree, but he can't agree. not when it's baren. not when it's someone chuuya's supposed to protect in this life-- not that baren needs protecting, but that won't keep chuuya from wanting to do it.]
You wouldn't give yourself up for something like that here. Right?
Maybe the fact that he seems to need a second to think about it is telling enough. Death doesn't mean a lot to Baren - he stops existing, so what? Maybe that's what would make people happier. If he was removed from the picture. He's going to chase after laughter so long as he's alive, but he won't complain if it's cut short.
He's 22, and he thinks he's lived long enough.
He still holds onto Chuuya's hands with one of his own, the other reaches out to brush Chuuya's bangs aside.]
Would me being gone ever bring you happiness?
[Strangers aren't enough to sway Baren's decision here - but Chuuya's would be.]
[that question wipes the anger from his face within a moment, replaces it with blank surprise--]
Don't be stupid, Baren.
[his answer's nearly immediate. how would that ever bring him happiness, when having baren here is the happiest he's been in a long time? chuuya would live without him, he has other things in this city that he needs to be here for, but...
he doesn't want to. he gives his head a quick shake, bangs falling right back into place where baren had brushed them aside.]
Why would you ever think that'd make me happy? If you were gone, I'd bring you back.
[this is why fixing chuuya's hair is always a pain in the ass.
but despite asking a straightforward, blunt question baren for some reason was not expecting a straightforward, blunt response back like that. he shouldn't be surprised. he knows that.
but he is. and it shows in the way he's stunned into silence for a second, head canting to the side in an almost cat-like demeanor]
[before he sort of just. laughs. and all the tension leaves him as he does, arms immediately reaching out to draw chuuya closer, pulling him into his lap. so much for doing his hair!!]
Ah... then I guess that's my answer, too. If it's you and Okuni, I can't really leave either of you alone....
[baren's not the type of person who needs a reason to live, when he thinks life itself is fairly unreasonable.
but he can be convinced that moments like this are a fairly good reason not to die.]
We'd get into an awful lot of trouble without you, probably.
[he shifts easily into baren's lap, fitting himself there and wrapping his arms around him in turn; his head rests on baren's shoulder, apparently content to just. be there, for now.
instead of being a fucking thot for once in his life.]
And I'd cause as much of it as I had to, to get you back to us.
[baren laughs at that, turning his head so he can press a kiss to chuuya's forehead. maybe don't reward your boyfriend for saying he'll cause trouble for you, baren. maybe don't do that.
he's doing that.]
Coming back spoiled you didn't it, pet...
[the rules of death don't apply, right along with physics]
[rewarding him for saying he'll be a troublemaker for his sake... that's a dangerous thing to do, baren, and that kiss to chuuya's forehead gets baren one pressed to his neck.]
[forehead kisses were supposed to be chaste and cute.
but baren just laughs. he sees where this is going, and so he laughs.]
Is that a request? I guess for tonight you've earned that....
[yeah they just showered so they'll need another one but also,
chuuya just had to deal with baren clumsily admitting he died after a month of them being apart. he shakes his head briefly before moving to catch chuuya's chin in his hand and tilt his head up so that it's easier for their lips to meet in a proper kiss. for a second, baren thinks about how nice it is that they slot together like puzzle pieces
all their jagged edges still manage to align.
anyway they bang, this thread's over, good job team]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah.
[ . . . ]
It seems stupid - and I feel like it'll be stupider saying it out loud but... I think that was on purpose.
[judging from his own thoughts, the bits and pieces that he's finally picking up behind why he acted as he did. to purposefully paint a target on his own back...]
no subject
[while he doesn't mind hearing it, having some indication that he was right and baren really wasn't just the shitty person he seems to think he was in the past--
chuuya can't think of a motivation for it.]
no subject
his fingers pause in their braiding. he likes having something for his hands to do, but they still in the next moment as he can't figure out an easy way to say it without alarming chuuya.]
Well -
It'd be easier.
There'd be no guilt involved for when I eventually died.
[for when they eventually killed me.]
no subject
Baren-- what are you talking about, huh? What do you mean, when-
[it's something he hates the thought of, even in another life. hates the idea of anything getting to baren that way when he's been such a constant presence here, even though chuuya knows no one is immune to death.]
no subject
there's a second where he glances elsewhere, uncertain how to say it more directly than that. he can't meet chuuya's eyes, and that's probably telling enough.
still, he doesn't like upsetting him. he'll reach out for chuuya's hands just so that he can bring them up to his lips to kiss the back of them.]
If they're going to hate me enough to kill me anyway...
I might as well let them do it with a clear conscience, because it's easier to kill a monster or a beast.
no subject
[there's no way that wouldn't upset chuuya, and he'd be reaching out for baren if he hadn't already taken his hands. those words are at odds with the way he kisses them; chuuya grips his hands tighter, there.]
But you aren't, you idiot, why would you let them think that?! Maybe they wouldn't want to kill you if you didn't try to make them hate you--
no subject
[that was planted. that wasn't his idea. his idea was just encouraging it - ]
And what would happen if they realized they were wrong, if they were wrong? They'd feel guilty, or they'd find something else to blame, something that's harder to break than she and I were. That's no way to live.
[and everyone's still unhappy.]
It was the only way to protect them, Chuu.
[he accepts chuuya gripping onto his hands, even as baren's own only hold back just barely. he's not upset by this. he's had some time to think it over since he got the memory, even on the bus ride back. this is how it was - and he thinks it's a fine end, somehow.]
no subject
[he understands, to a degree, but he can't agree. not when it's baren. not when it's someone chuuya's supposed to protect in this life-- not that baren needs protecting, but that won't keep chuuya from wanting to do it.]
You wouldn't give yourself up for something like that here. Right?
no subject
Maybe the fact that he seems to need a second to think about it is telling enough. Death doesn't mean a lot to Baren - he stops existing, so what? Maybe that's what would make people happier. If he was removed from the picture. He's going to chase after laughter so long as he's alive, but he won't complain if it's cut short.
He's 22, and he thinks he's lived long enough.
He still holds onto Chuuya's hands with one of his own, the other reaches out to brush Chuuya's bangs aside.]
Would me being gone ever bring you happiness?
[Strangers aren't enough to sway Baren's decision here - but Chuuya's would be.]
no subject
Don't be stupid, Baren.
[his answer's nearly immediate. how would that ever bring him happiness, when having baren here is the happiest he's been in a long time? chuuya would live without him, he has other things in this city that he needs to be here for, but...
he doesn't want to. he gives his head a quick shake, bangs falling right back into place where baren had brushed them aside.]
Why would you ever think that'd make me happy? If you were gone, I'd bring you back.
[1/2]
but despite asking a straightforward, blunt question baren for some reason was not expecting a straightforward, blunt response back like that. he shouldn't be surprised. he knows that.
but he is. and it shows in the way he's stunned into silence for a second, head canting to the side in an almost cat-like demeanor]
no subject
Ah... then I guess that's my answer, too. If it's you and Okuni, I can't really leave either of you alone....
[baren's not the type of person who needs a reason to live, when he thinks life itself is fairly unreasonable.
but he can be convinced that moments like this are a fairly good reason not to die.]
no subject
[he shifts easily into baren's lap, fitting himself there and wrapping his arms around him in turn; his head rests on baren's shoulder, apparently content to just. be there, for now.
instead of being a fucking thot for once in his life.]
And I'd cause as much of it as I had to, to get you back to us.
no subject
he's doing that.]
Coming back spoiled you didn't it, pet...
[the rules of death don't apply, right along with physics]
no subject
[rewarding him for saying he'll be a troublemaker for his sake... that's a dangerous thing to do, baren, and that kiss to chuuya's forehead gets baren one pressed to his neck.]
no subject
but baren just laughs. he sees where this is going, and so he laughs.]
Is that a request? I guess for tonight you've earned that....
[yeah they just showered so they'll need another one but also,
chuuya just had to deal with baren clumsily admitting he died after a month of them being apart. he shakes his head briefly before moving to catch chuuya's chin in his hand and tilt his head up so that it's easier for their lips to meet in a proper kiss. for a second, baren thinks about how nice it is that they slot together like puzzle pieces
all their jagged edges still manage to align.
anyway they bang, this thread's over, good job team]