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[crudest]

Baren Kaiyou

i think the fuck not my guy 💩

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[stopbleeding]

some french asshole named sanji.
sanji's not even a french name.

[crudest]

[ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

softly, but with a lot of emotion: fuck]

we're going to need more booze

[stopbleeding]

why?
who said i even needed a drink?

[crudest]

i did
and now i want one
so we're drinking

[stopbleeding]

you're buying.
nothing french.

[crudest]

i just grabbed a bottle of whiskey
good enough?

[stopbleeding]

yeah.
beach?

[crudest]

let's go to the docks
rent a boat
you can steer while tipsy right

[stopbleeding]

that even a question? think i may drive better.
i'll meet you there. near the docks now anyway.

[AND TA-DA TIMESKIP, HERE THEY ARE. zoro's already got the keys to a boat rental and is tossing them as he leans against the little fishing boat he got. he doesn't even wait for baren to get on before starting it up; a glimpse is all he needs.]

You bring anything to throw in the water?

[nothing says anger management like throwing trash into the ocean]

[crudest]

Besides you? Nah.

[also that's disgusting and terrible for the ocean.

baren hops in as soon as he can, not much hesitation there. he's got whiskey in a grocery bag and settles in to take a seat not too far from zoro, shrugging]

If you still wanna later, we extend the rental and go find shit to throw.

[stopbleeding]

We'll see.

[after they're all set to go zoro just. guns it. oddly, his steering isn't as precise as it usually would be, despite his stone-faced expression. it's only once they're fairly far out that he slows down and slumps down next to baren.]

He didn't want anything to do with it. Should've figured. [grabby hand for that whiskey. hand it over.]

[crudest]

[yeah he had a feeling you would fuckin want that.

it's why baren hands it over easily and sighs for a moment, just to fill up the space. it's annoying to think that he'd been looking and looking, only to miss what he was looking for entirely.]

... didn't know it was him you were looking for.

He's always been a pain in the ass.

[stopbleeding]

[zoro just.

pauses.]

... Why the hell are you acting like you know him?

[crudest]

Well do you remember the chain smoker I used to date where I'm not sure if I broke up with him or he broke up with me.

[that should answer that.]

[stopbleeding]

[zoro thinks for a long, hard minute which is entirely too long for this question.]

... No.

[crudest]

Well then that's twice that you didn't remember the same guy.

[pass the whiskey]

[stopbleeding]

[no. because it takes another good minute for that to hit and when it does he is purposefully holding the booze out of baren's reach.]

... You dated him.

[crudest]

[THE WHISKEY!!!]

Are you fucking serious, Z.

[plenty of things are his fault thIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM]

[stopbleeding]

[YES IT IS]

This is my whiskey now.

[HE SURE IS. KIDNAPPING THAT BOOZE AND BRINGING IT THE FULL 3 FEET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DECK.]

[crudest]

[you know how baren uses zoro as a fucking jungle gym

that's happening again]

I've said it a million fucking times - if you want your own bottle, you tell me before!

Stupid!

[stopbleeding]

Then you tell me before you sleep with one of my crew!

[how is this a logical progression of their conversation? it's not.]

Why him anyway?! He makes me want to puke!

[crudest]

[baren is probably halfway wrapped around zoro but

that comment doesn't stop him from throwing an arm around zoro's neck to half put him in a sleeper hold]

Stop critiquing who ends up in my bed, it's fucking weird!!

[stopbleeding]

[HE!! IS!! FIGHTING HIS WAY OUT OF THIS!!]

Shut up! It's weird having you sleep with frien–

[fuck. zoro nearly draws blood from how hard he bites down on his tongue.]

... Shit. [kicking baren off of him now. he grabs the booze and rolls back to standing, keeping his back to baren while he chugs.]

[crudest]

[He'll let himself get kicked off, landing on his feet anyway as he stares Zoro down and sighs. Right. The F word.... That's a pretty rare thing for him to use, right? Which makes... not a lot of sense, considering all the people that Zoro surrounds himself with, but whatever.]

You know there's nothing I can do if kidney failure comes for your ass, right.

It was two years ago. Let it go.

[stopbleeding]

I'm immortal. Who cares?

[let him pout, baren. pout and chug.]

Why the hell did it have to be him?

[it's not really a question baren has to answer. it's not really a question he wants to know the answer to. he just. needs to say it.]