the weight of the knife in his hands, more familiar to baren now than any weapon should be, and the kiss that comes with it. he freezes from it - backs up enough just to put more distance between him and chuuya, and he doesn't hesitate from letting the confusion show on his face. yes, they went out tonight. yes, baren still went home with him. yes, they hooked up. yes, it all came to this point but
but—
weakly:] Don't - do that, Chuu.
[don't let yourself think that baren is someone worth having.
instead, he shakes his head and focuses on the knife in his hands. he tests the weight of it, thoughtful. zoro had said something similar - betrayal gives baren a right to retaliate, is it? even if he can't imagine being able to follow through....
he turns to chuuya again and tilts his head as an idea - a bad idea - comes to him]
[don't do that. yeah, he knows, he knows-- but it's never made him want to do it any less. still, he backs off when baren pulls away, wondering with a little flash of fear if that was too much-
he's not leaving, at least. chuuya will take it.]
-yeah, I know what that is. C'mon, you don't really think I'm that dumb, right? Why?
[he glances back to the knife in baren's hands, adding:]
Look, if you wanna keep that, it's the only weapon I've got. You'd better get me a replacement in case I need one.
[if it were anyone else he'd refuse to even consider letting them keep it. it's his, it's from his memories, he has ties to it that he wouldn't with just any knife. but if it's baren...
[It's not like Baren can deny the need for a weapon these days. It's with too much ease that he unsheathes the knife - it's too small in his hands, his hallucinations (memories?) tell him that he's used to holding onto something much bigger - and evaluates it. Yeah. He can get Chuuya another like this.
But if Chuuya's not saying no - he decides he wants this one, because Baren constantly reaches for other people. He takes and takes whatever they're willing to give him, just for some tangible something to hold onto that he won't be left alone.]
.... Yeah, done. [He'll get him a replacement but the actual trade - ]
I'll let you keep my secrets if you let me keep your knife.
Yeah. Deal. But you better take care of it, alright?
[he shifts to make himself comfortable, wrapping the blankets around himself to make sure he won't be able to reach out too easily.
and then he goes quiet, because he's not going to push. he lets baren get his thoughts in order, waits for him to decide he's ready to share, just- watching him with his head tilted curiously and his hair falling over his shoulder.]
[Chuuya keeps that shit in the kitchen or his bedside table... Still - Baren will take care of it. More than he says. If it's something in exchange for secrets, which he expects Chuuya to guard closely, Baren will from now on guard this knife with his life. To buy some time, he puts it aside for the time being.
He doesn't expect Chuuya to betray him. There's no need for it.
... When he told Dave a 'difficult Retrospec memory' he summed it down to seconds of content, just to make sure that it was kept secret. He boiled all the emotions out until the only thing left was facts. Cruel, difficult facts.]
Starting from ancient times, the Orochi was born. Whether it's a spirit or a demon, it rises every 300 years to dwell in a human vessel.
[The next words are harder to wrap his mouth around, even though he knows them. They're part of a prophecy. There is no argument.]
Greed, avarice, pride. Devouring all living things, scorching the earth, defiling the seas. The serpent of destruction.
Pay heed, for the Orochi is the enemy of mankind. Seal immediately after - hunting it down.
[Baren's eye falls from where his gaze was locked with Chuuya's, instead resting on the bedsheet. He breathes in - and out, calmly though his posture is agitated. Stiff. His hand comes up to his mouth as if he wonders if there's anything more to say but - that's all he got from his last hallucinomemory. That's what he knows.]
I don't... know what it means. I don't know what it has to do with... this.
[and he gestures back to the eyepatch.
He doesn't know if there's a connection. He doesn't know how to find the vessel of the Orochi. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do or if it exists in this day and age and he hasn't run the calculations for whether it's been 300 years since the Sengoku era even though he knows he should because he's scared alright, he's fucking scared.
So it's the truth.
He doesn't know what the myth has to do with his scales.
[he sees where baren is sort of going with this, and- it's a terrifying thought. he's always been awful at hiding his feelings, can't mask the deep furrow in his brow or the growing concern as baren continues, and it's all he can do to keep his hands to himself.
chuuya knows even less than baren, but he's coming to the same conclusion with that mention of it being a serpent with those strange scales around baren's eye.]
...you think the vessel part might mean-?
[he stops there, shakes his head, not willing to say it out loud. he pauses, takes in another steadying breath.]
I- shit, Baren. I don't know either. But- aren't you the one always saying things don't have to be like whatever we see in those memories? Maybe this prophecy thing doesn't work the same way here, maybe this Orochi doesn't exist. It could just... belong to whatever world you've been seeing, right? Not to you.
[he hopes so, he really hopes so. baren is chaotic, he's always known that, but destructive?
it's harder to think of baren being tied to that.]
[Things don't have to be like how they are in what he's seeing.
Except for some reason, things keep playing out similarly enough that he keeps triggering them. Just like how an angry mob tried to ruin and wreck his shrine in his memories, Zoro could inspire a bunch of people to start a manhunt because they couldn't take a joke. Baren still thinks that people aren't meant to be anything, they just are. Good and bad aren't so clearly defined.
Except.
What if he's really fated to be not worth anything at all?
He's quiet as he considers Chuuya's words, then forces his shoulders to relax. He exhales, then glances back up at Chuuya.]
Yeah... right?
[ . . . . ]
Just makes you wonder what'll happen if that's wrong, though.
[A crack - he'll open the door just a crack. The smallest sliver of his own fears.]
[Not for the first time, Baren thinks that Chuuya's too honest.
His expression doesn't outwardly change, though his fingers do briefly curl around the bed sheets just a bit more, as if trying to find something to hold onto. We? Partners? Even if he agreed to it - he didn't think that it extended this far. There's never been a "we" in Baren's life that he could rely on, not outside of him and Okuni.
Even if it doesn't make its way onto his face, his chest aches with a question: 'How do I learn to trust you?']
... ah...
[A soft exhale.
Partnership was supposed to be a convenient word to get Chuuya to tell him everything, to keep an eye on him. Having him so sincerely believe it... really, how can he believe in someone like Baren like that?]
What, you really want to ask me to be the responsible one? Are you sure about that?
[he's known baren long enough to see that the smile doesn't quite go far enough, that it doesn't light his eyes up in the way chuuya is so familiar with-- so he almost feels compelled to try to keep the mood light, false as it might be. maybe that'll make it more genuine.
a moment later though, his smile fades, because there's no teasing when it comes to this kind of answer.]
I will, okay? Promise. I- don't know how I'd stop you, but... I'd find a way.
[And despite everything, Baren doesn't let his smile drop. It's simple, isn't it? If he's a monster, hunt him down. He says it as plainly as "the dinner leftovers are in your fridge". There's a moment where he reaches up to his hair, fussing with it even now.]
Anyway, isn't that enough scary stories for one night? I'll have nightmares at this rate, Chuu.
...alright. Yeah, I can do that. Just- promise one thing before we leave it there, 'kay?
[he reaches out again there, brushing baren's hand away from his hair. it's important, c'mon.]
If you remember anything about the 'sealing' part that it mentioned, tell me about that too. Seems like a need-to-know type of thing for what you want me to do, you know?
[because if there's more to it than just hunting down a monster, should baren ever become one-- if there's anything that could be an option beyond the obvious end to it-- he'd take it.]
[It's immediate, really. A staple in Baren's language, right next to "Don't tell me what to do" and "It's none of your business". Promises are hard to keep. Considering how much he lies, he knows that his word doesn't mean much but -
Promises. Swears. Those are different.
Still, he lets Chuuya brush his hand away, ends up catching Chuuya's automatically.]
C'mon, Baren, this is kind of a big promise here. You can say you'll tell me one damn thing.
[he sighs, gives his head a little shake, and lightly squeezes baren's hand before he lets go and burrows back into the blankets. he knows how baren is; it's a pain in the ass, but beyond that rebuke he lets it go in favor of getting comfortable and moving on.]
Everything is unbalanced. He'd rather receive promises than give them, cash in on debts rather than admit he owes them. Typically he can find his way out of most even trades so that he perpetually has the upper hand, even if it means being difficult.
He's been difficult to Chuuya for three years.
Hence the brief - ]
... we can.
[But will they?
Regardless he settles down against the bed too - he doesn't know if he'll bother going to bed tonight, he might leave in a half hour for a walk and see if he can catch another night owl somewhere before sun breaks. Some part of him feels too antsy. Even if another part of him is at home enough to relax in Chuuya's apartment for a bit more, just a little bit more.]
[chuuya knows he'll be leaving before morning. he always does. but it never stops him from getting comfortable, and he always ends up curling against baren not long after falling asleep, just out of habits that somehow haven't died.
and normally, he sleeps soundly enough that he never knows when exactly baren left.
tonight, though, he shifts uncomfortably in his sleep, constantly restless, as though something's bothering him in his dreams. it starts off mild, but it slowly grows worse and refuses to be soothed until finally chuuya wakes with a start, eyes wide.
he reflexively grabs for baren's arm without even knowing why, only that he just needs the contact. it'll be a moment before he fully wakes up; for the moment, he clings and just- tries to breathe. whatever happened, it wasn't real. it's fine.
except now that he's beginning to wake, he remembers things with more clarity, and it seems like it might be more real than he wants to think.]
[Despite himself, Baren still hasn't left. It's slow, like watching a sunset, how gradually Chuuya comes to curl against him and he settles on letting him - just for now. When he starts to shift, Baren can recognize the edges of a nightmare - his fingers start to run through Chuuya's hair automatically in a soothing, repetitive motion that he knows Chuuya likes—
Except there it is, not quite enough.
When his arm is grabbed, Baren pauses and searches. The worry might not quite be evident on his face, but it's in his eyes as they search Chuuya's, as his arms automatically come to encircle the other if only because he's been there before.
He's been there, waking up in an empty bed and feeling more alone than anything and what he knows is he doesn't want that for Chuuya.]
Breathe.
Just breathe, you're awake. S'fine.
["It was just a dream" is what he wants to say but if it's anything like his....
[still a little breathless, distracted, with all of it hitting at once-- he knows now what it is he'd trusted his partner with. what he'd done.
if my support comes too late, you'll die. but he doesn't have that same support here, nobody with his ability, nobody who could make it stop after that power creeps in and takes over his body.
he doesn't know what exactly he did. he just knows that he remembers waking up next to a crater that wasn't there before, feeling like death. he knows if it ever happened again--
chuuya shakes his head and buries his face against baren.]
I can't- I don't want to talk about it right now. Just...
I know you don't have to promise me anything, but don't leave.
Again, again, again Baren thinks that he's the worst person suited for this but he somehow found himself at a place and time where he's the only option. Chuuya buries his face against him and there's a stutter of his heartbeat because "don't leave" is a request that he doesn't know how to answer.
In the end, he'll always have to leave Chuuya - even if it's not immediate. But if he doesn't agree, if he gives in to this urge to run just so that Chuuya learns that you can't trust a snake...
Something twists uncomfortably in his ribcage, even as he lets his arm fall around Chuuya's waist and his fingers run through his hair.]
.... Mm. Sleep, Chuu. If you don't want to talk, sleep it off.
[For now, he makes no plans to move from where he is.]
[that's enough for him, at least for now. chuuya nods, settling back in (if still a little uneasily), and while it takes a little longer than usual for his breathing to slow-- he does manage to sleep.
it's still a little fitful, though, even if he doesn't wake again. he shifts more than normal, and once or twice it seems like he might be waking, but he's always pulled back under before his eyes can open.
and for once, he sleeps lightly enough that he actually stirs whenever baren finally moves. chuuya shifts, yawns, blinks blearily up at him, and-
notices the light filtering through the window, faint as it may be.
[Baren's movements over the course of the night are small - he reaches over to grab the nearest book available for him to read to pass the time. Even if he wanted to go, Chuuya's fitful sleep makes it impossible for him to find the opening.
(No, he could still go. Somehow, he would've made it work but - he stays, for reasons he doesn't care to think too deeply about.)
So his hours were spent with one hand carding through Chuuya's hair, watching him carefully when he appeared to grow restless again, and then sighing faintly when he calmed. The times not spent looking after here were reading and it doesn't take long for Baren to realize what he's picked up is a book of Chuuya's own writing but - it's not even like it's the first time he's read it.
Maybe that's why by the time dawn breaks he feels like this is entering that too familiar, dangerous territory. How many mornings did they spend like this before? There's the urge to get up around 6 when the sun's up and start his day, even though he hasn't gotten much sleep at all but. It's been long enough that he was hoping Chuuya would've fallen into a deeper sleep but.
Apparently not.
He places the book back on the nightstand and brushes aside Chuuya's bangs with his freed hand.]
I'm so starved I'm gonna eat enough for two, sorry about it.
[Not that sorry. Also maybe fucking with him a little.]
[chuuya grumbles and swats lazily at baren's hand, wrapping the blankets around himself again.]
Just let me know when you're finished.
[.... and yeah, that doesn't last long. it's maybe ten minutes after baren's left that chuuya drags himself into the kitchen with a smaller blanket draped around him; he takes a seat then and just watches baren cook, head pillowed on his folded arms.
he just didn't want to be alone. that leads to thinking about it.]
[There was a faint "fuck you" before Baren untangled himself from Chuuya and the bedsheets. It was again too familiar for him to grab his boxers and then dig through Chuuya's drawers to find the largest pair of sweats he had so that they didn't cut off too short on Baren's legs. Navigating Chuuya's kitchen way too early in the morning to make breakfast brought up those same ghosts.
If he ignored them, they would go away, right.
It's when Chuuya comes outside that the reminiscing is broken and Baren glances over to see him, snorts faintly when he takes a seat and otherwise doesn't say anything.
Though as he waits for the eggs to fry and the rice to be done, he'll grab a glass to fill it with water and then some painkillers. When he passes by Chuuya at the table, both items get set down in front of him as Baren lets his fingers run through his hair as he walks past.]
[chuuya rolls his eyes, but he does at least take the painkillers, and a minute later finally drags himself into motion to get the table set.
he's too easy, he's pretty sure, but if baren is cooking then he'll accept being told to help.
once it's all ready, he falls quiet again for some time as they eat, focused on his plate as he considers whether he really wants to talk about it at all-- but he's told baren everything else, and much as he wants to pretend this new memory doesn't exist... it'll eat at him if he doesn't say something.
besides, after their talk last night, there's something he needs to ask baren to do for him, too. so after he's mostly finished, chuuya says completely out of the blue-]
What you asked me to do for you last night-- I need to ask you the same thing, alright? Make it mutual.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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the weight of the knife in his hands, more familiar to baren now than any weapon should be, and the kiss that comes with it. he freezes from it - backs up enough just to put more distance between him and chuuya, and he doesn't hesitate from letting the confusion show on his face. yes, they went out tonight. yes, baren still went home with him. yes, they hooked up. yes, it all came to this point but
but—
weakly:] Don't - do that, Chuu.
[don't let yourself think that baren is someone worth having.
instead, he shakes his head and focuses on the knife in his hands. he tests the weight of it, thoughtful. zoro had said something similar - betrayal gives baren a right to retaliate, is it? even if he can't imagine being able to follow through....
he turns to chuuya again and tilts his head as an idea - a bad idea - comes to him]
Hey.
You know about collateral, right?
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he's not leaving, at least. chuuya will take it.]
-yeah, I know what that is. C'mon, you don't really think I'm that dumb, right? Why?
[he glances back to the knife in baren's hands, adding:]
Look, if you wanna keep that, it's the only weapon I've got. You'd better get me a replacement in case I need one.
[if it were anyone else he'd refuse to even consider letting them keep it. it's his, it's from his memories, he has ties to it that he wouldn't with just any knife. but if it's baren...
he'd trust him with it.]
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But if Chuuya's not saying no - he decides he wants this one, because Baren constantly reaches for other people. He takes and takes whatever they're willing to give him, just for some tangible something to hold onto that he won't be left alone.]
.... Yeah, done. [He'll get him a replacement but the actual trade - ]
I'll let you keep my secrets if you let me keep your knife.
Deal?
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[he shifts to make himself comfortable, wrapping the blankets around himself to make sure he won't be able to reach out too easily.
and then he goes quiet, because he's not going to push. he lets baren get his thoughts in order, waits for him to decide he's ready to share, just- watching him with his head tilted curiously and his hair falling over his shoulder.]
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[Chuuya keeps that shit in the kitchen or his bedside table... Still - Baren will take care of it. More than he says. If it's something in exchange for secrets, which he expects Chuuya to guard closely, Baren will from now on guard this knife with his life. To buy some time, he puts it aside for the time being.
He doesn't expect Chuuya to betray him. There's no need for it.
... When he told Dave a 'difficult Retrospec memory' he summed it down to seconds of content, just to make sure that it was kept secret. He boiled all the emotions out until the only thing left was facts. Cruel, difficult facts.]
Starting from ancient times, the Orochi was born. Whether it's a spirit or a demon, it rises every 300 years to dwell in a human vessel.
[The next words are harder to wrap his mouth around, even though he knows them. They're part of a prophecy. There is no argument.]
Greed, avarice, pride. Devouring all living things, scorching the earth, defiling the seas. The serpent of destruction.
Pay heed, for the Orochi is the enemy of mankind. Seal immediately after - hunting it down.
[Baren's eye falls from where his gaze was locked with Chuuya's, instead resting on the bedsheet. He breathes in - and out, calmly though his posture is agitated. Stiff. His hand comes up to his mouth as if he wonders if there's anything more to say but - that's all he got from his last hallucinomemory. That's what he knows.]
I don't... know what it means. I don't know what it has to do with... this.
[and he gestures back to the eyepatch.
He doesn't know if there's a connection. He doesn't know how to find the vessel of the Orochi. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do or if it exists in this day and age and he hasn't run the calculations for whether it's been 300 years since the Sengoku era even though he knows he should because he's scared alright, he's fucking scared.
So it's the truth.
He doesn't know what the myth has to do with his scales.
But he has a terrifying hunch.]
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chuuya knows even less than baren, but he's coming to the same conclusion with that mention of it being a serpent with those strange scales around baren's eye.]
...you think the vessel part might mean-?
[he stops there, shakes his head, not willing to say it out loud. he pauses, takes in another steadying breath.]
I- shit, Baren. I don't know either. But- aren't you the one always saying things don't have to be like whatever we see in those memories? Maybe this prophecy thing doesn't work the same way here, maybe this Orochi doesn't exist. It could just... belong to whatever world you've been seeing, right? Not to you.
[he hopes so, he really hopes so. baren is chaotic, he's always known that, but destructive?
it's harder to think of baren being tied to that.]
no subject
Except for some reason, things keep playing out similarly enough that he keeps triggering them. Just like how an angry mob tried to ruin and wreck his shrine in his memories, Zoro could inspire a bunch of people to start a manhunt because they couldn't take a joke. Baren still thinks that people aren't meant to be anything, they just are. Good and bad aren't so clearly defined.
Except.
What if he's really fated to be not worth anything at all?
He's quiet as he considers Chuuya's words, then forces his shoulders to relax. He exhales, then glances back up at Chuuya.]
Yeah... right?
[ . . . . ]
Just makes you wonder what'll happen if that's wrong, though.
[A crack - he'll open the door just a crack. The smallest sliver of his own fears.]
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[concern shifts to determination there, chin lifting slightly, jaw set.]
You're not the kind of person to just give up. And-
[chuuya lets a small smile crack through, there.]
We're partners now, you know? If that's wrong, I'm not gonna let you deal with it by yourself.
[1/2]
His expression doesn't outwardly change, though his fingers do briefly curl around the bed sheets just a bit more, as if trying to find something to hold onto. We? Partners? Even if he agreed to it - he didn't think that it extended this far. There's never been a "we" in Baren's life that he could rely on, not outside of him and Okuni.
Even if it doesn't make its way onto his face, his chest aches with a question: 'How do I learn to trust you?']
... ah...
[A soft exhale.
Partnership was supposed to be a convenient word to get Chuuya to tell him everything, to keep an eye on him. Having him so sincerely believe it... really, how can he believe in someone like Baren like that?]
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You're too much, Chuu.
[He lets a small smile play across his lips, his eyebrow raising.]
If this ends up being wrong, it's on you to stop me, alright?
[A joke - lighthearted... except for the pieces in where it's not, where the mirth doesn't quite reach Baren's eyes.]
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[he's known baren long enough to see that the smile doesn't quite go far enough, that it doesn't light his eyes up in the way chuuya is so familiar with-- so he almost feels compelled to try to keep the mood light, false as it might be. maybe that'll make it more genuine.
a moment later though, his smile fades, because there's no teasing when it comes to this kind of answer.]
I will, okay? Promise. I- don't know how I'd stop you, but... I'd find a way.
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[And despite everything, Baren doesn't let his smile drop. It's simple, isn't it? If he's a monster, hunt him down. He says it as plainly as "the dinner leftovers are in your fridge". There's a moment where he reaches up to his hair, fussing with it even now.]
Anyway, isn't that enough scary stories for one night? I'll have nightmares at this rate, Chuu.
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[he reaches out again there, brushing baren's hand away from his hair. it's important, c'mon.]
If you remember anything about the 'sealing' part that it mentioned, tell me about that too. Seems like a need-to-know type of thing for what you want me to do, you know?
[because if there's more to it than just hunting down a monster, should baren ever become one-- if there's anything that could be an option beyond the obvious end to it-- he'd take it.]
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[It's immediate, really. A staple in Baren's language, right next to "Don't tell me what to do" and "It's none of your business". Promises are hard to keep. Considering how much he lies, he knows that his word doesn't mean much but -
Promises. Swears. Those are different.
Still, he lets Chuuya brush his hand away, ends up catching Chuuya's automatically.]
... but I'll think about it.
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[he sighs, gives his head a little shake, and lightly squeezes baren's hand before he lets go and burrows back into the blankets. he knows how baren is; it's a pain in the ass, but beyond that rebuke he lets it go in favor of getting comfortable and moving on.]
Whatever. We can talk later, I guess.
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Everything is unbalanced. He'd rather receive promises than give them, cash in on debts rather than admit he owes them. Typically he can find his way out of most even trades so that he perpetually has the upper hand, even if it means being difficult.
He's been difficult to Chuuya for three years.
Hence the brief - ]
... we can.
[But will they?
Regardless he settles down against the bed too - he doesn't know if he'll bother going to bed tonight, he might leave in a half hour for a walk and see if he can catch another night owl somewhere before sun breaks. Some part of him feels too antsy. Even if another part of him is at home enough to relax in Chuuya's apartment for a bit more, just a little bit more.]
no subject
and normally, he sleeps soundly enough that he never knows when exactly baren left.
tonight, though, he shifts uncomfortably in his sleep, constantly restless, as though something's bothering him in his dreams. it starts off mild, but it slowly grows worse and refuses to be soothed until finally chuuya wakes with a start, eyes wide.
he reflexively grabs for baren's arm without even knowing why, only that he just needs the contact. it'll be a moment before he fully wakes up; for the moment, he clings and just- tries to breathe. whatever happened, it wasn't real. it's fine.
except now that he's beginning to wake, he remembers things with more clarity, and it seems like it might be more real than he wants to think.]
no subject
Except there it is, not quite enough.
When his arm is grabbed, Baren pauses and searches. The worry might not quite be evident on his face, but it's in his eyes as they search Chuuya's, as his arms automatically come to encircle the other if only because he's been there before.
He's been there, waking up in an empty bed and feeling more alone than anything and what he knows is he doesn't want that for Chuuya.]
Breathe.
Just breathe, you're awake. S'fine.
["It was just a dream" is what he wants to say but if it's anything like his....
Maybe it wasn't.]
no subject
[still a little breathless, distracted, with all of it hitting at once-- he knows now what it is he'd trusted his partner with. what he'd done.
if my support comes too late, you'll die. but he doesn't have that same support here, nobody with his ability, nobody who could make it stop after that power creeps in and takes over his body.
he doesn't know what exactly he did. he just knows that he remembers waking up next to a crater that wasn't there before, feeling like death. he knows if it ever happened again--
chuuya shakes his head and buries his face against baren.]
I can't- I don't want to talk about it right now. Just...
I know you don't have to promise me anything, but don't leave.
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Again, again, again Baren thinks that he's the worst person suited for this but he somehow found himself at a place and time where he's the only option. Chuuya buries his face against him and there's a stutter of his heartbeat because "don't leave" is a request that he doesn't know how to answer.
In the end, he'll always have to leave Chuuya - even if it's not immediate. But if he doesn't agree, if he gives in to this urge to run just so that Chuuya learns that you can't trust a snake...
Something twists uncomfortably in his ribcage, even as he lets his arm fall around Chuuya's waist and his fingers run through his hair.]
.... Mm. Sleep, Chuu. If you don't want to talk, sleep it off.
[For now, he makes no plans to move from where he is.]
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it's still a little fitful, though, even if he doesn't wake again. he shifts more than normal, and once or twice it seems like he might be waking, but he's always pulled back under before his eyes can open.
and for once, he sleeps lightly enough that he actually stirs whenever baren finally moves. chuuya shifts, yawns, blinks blearily up at him, and-
notices the light filtering through the window, faint as it may be.
another yawn, and-]
You're making breakfast, right?
no subject
(No, he could still go. Somehow, he would've made it work but - he stays, for reasons he doesn't care to think too deeply about.)
So his hours were spent with one hand carding through Chuuya's hair, watching him carefully when he appeared to grow restless again, and then sighing faintly when he calmed. The times not spent looking after here were reading and it doesn't take long for Baren to realize what he's picked up is a book of Chuuya's own writing but - it's not even like it's the first time he's read it.
Maybe that's why by the time dawn breaks he feels like this is entering that too familiar, dangerous territory. How many mornings did they spend like this before? There's the urge to get up around 6 when the sun's up and start his day, even though he hasn't gotten much sleep at all but. It's been long enough that he was hoping Chuuya would've fallen into a deeper sleep but.
Apparently not.
He places the book back on the nightstand and brushes aside Chuuya's bangs with his freed hand.]
I'm so starved I'm gonna eat enough for two, sorry about it.
[Not that sorry. Also maybe fucking with him a little.]
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[chuuya grumbles and swats lazily at baren's hand, wrapping the blankets around himself again.]
Just let me know when you're finished.
[.... and yeah, that doesn't last long. it's maybe ten minutes after baren's left that chuuya drags himself into the kitchen with a smaller blanket draped around him; he takes a seat then and just watches baren cook, head pillowed on his folded arms.
he just didn't want to be alone. that leads to thinking about it.]
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If he ignored them, they would go away, right.
It's when Chuuya comes outside that the reminiscing is broken and Baren glances over to see him, snorts faintly when he takes a seat and otherwise doesn't say anything.
Though as he waits for the eggs to fry and the rice to be done, he'll grab a glass to fill it with water and then some painkillers. When he passes by Chuuya at the table, both items get set down in front of him as Baren lets his fingers run through his hair as he walks past.]
Don't be a bum. Set the table once you take that.
[It'll give him something to do, right?]
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[chuuya rolls his eyes, but he does at least take the painkillers, and a minute later finally drags himself into motion to get the table set.
he's too easy, he's pretty sure, but if baren is cooking then he'll accept being told to help.
once it's all ready, he falls quiet again for some time as they eat, focused on his plate as he considers whether he really wants to talk about it at all-- but he's told baren everything else, and much as he wants to pretend this new memory doesn't exist... it'll eat at him if he doesn't say something.
besides, after their talk last night, there's something he needs to ask baren to do for him, too. so after he's mostly finished, chuuya says completely out of the blue-]
What you asked me to do for you last night-- I need to ask you the same thing, alright? Make it mutual.
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